You Are Altogether Beautiful, My Love

“It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect.” –Quentin Crisp

I have learned this year through experience that when God wants to speak something important to me, He will repeat it a handful of times until I really get it. He’s not one to brush over something quickly and hope I catch it the first time. No, when there is information He wants me to have or truth He wants me to believe, He will shout it continually until I listen. Even if I do listen, many times He will declare it again, just so I can be assured it was from Him.

I’ve witnessed this throughout the entire year in regards to a certain piece of truth God has spoken to me. I believe I was attentive to His words every time, but I don’t believe I was receptive, which is likely why He had to reiterate them constantly. This weekend God has confirmed His message to me so clearly that somehow it finally clicked. There is something about repeatedly hearing the same truth by God Himself that crushes any unbelief you may have and creates a stronghold of faith in your heart. When you realize how persistent He is in giving such a gift to you, you can’t help but joyfully accept it!

Well, that’s what happened this weekend. I feel like a foundation has at last been laid. The truth God has been giving me all year finally went from being just a nice idea to a song etched into my heart, and let me tell you, it has a captivating melody.

Allow me to share its wonder with you:

In early January, nearly nine months ago, God gave me two specific truths to hold on to for the year- one was about me, and the other was about Him. At the time when I received them, I thought they were simply what I needed to hear in that moment; I hadn’t realized these concepts were setting the stage for what God would be teaching me this whole year. They were neither extensive nor complex- in total they were a mere six words- but they were everything He wanted to cement in my heart.

“I am faithful, and you are beautiful.”

I suppose it was seven words if you want to count the conjunction, but still: it was simple, yet elaborate. God even gave me a few verses to go along with His message.

“I set My rainbow in the clouds, and it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the earth. And when I bring clouds over the earth, and the bow is seen in the clouds, I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living animal of all flesh...” Genesis 9:13-14

“And He who was sitting was like a jasper stone and a ruby in appearance, and there was a rainbow around the throne like an emerald in appearance.” Revelation 4:3

These first two verses demonstrated to me the faithfulness of God. I cherish them, too, because I love that the sign God gave to remind Himself and us of His faithfulness also wraps around His throne in heaven. It’s as if to declare: Here sits the one in whom faithfulness abounds. He is faithfulness. From before your time began and after your time ends- from eternity to eternity He is faithful.

Regarding the second part of His message- my beauty- He gave me this:

“You are altogether beautiful, my love, and there is no blemish in you. You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride; you hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes …” Songs of Solomon 4:7,9.

God’s faithfulness and my beauty: these were two messages the Lord perpetually confirmed to me during the year, and He did so in various ways through a multitude of means. (This was much of the fun, actually, as I eagerly anticipated what God was going to do next to show me He is faithful or I am beautiful). It didn't take much time for me to understand, believe in, and see God’s faithfulness. I watched Him come through for me many times, and He demonstrated His character in even the littlest of things. Recognizing my beauty, however, was a different story. Despite my hesitancy, He continued to testify to me the truth that I am beautiful.

God’s affirmations about my beauty filled many of my days and journal pages, but doubt still lived inside of me, reasoning He was saying those things only to be nice. It wasn't really true, was it? I challenged the validity of it all only because the truth was so difficult for me to grasp. Nonetheless, God only ever disputed my apprehension with more of the same truth, and one day in particular He finally shifted my questioning.

I was playing piano that day, worshiping in awe of my Lord. I had begun to do this more often, and it became one of my favorite ways to have fellowship with Him. One morning as I was playing, God cut in to tell me that just as I lift up my voice to sing to Him, so He lifts up His voice to sing to me. I was singing about His beauty and how sweet it is just to say His name, and He told me He was singing the same right back. It was as if He and I were harmonizing together, yet each to one another. It was amazing, and it seemed the more I sang to Him the wonders of who He is, the more He sang back to me the beauty of who I am, proclaiming through song I was worth singing about.  

Suddenly, I began to consider the validity of what God was saying. “He’s singing that I’m beautiful… Maybe this really could be true, couldn’t it?” Call me crazy, but something about having the God of the universe sing about how the sound of my name brings Him delight made me think He was telling the truth. Maybe I am beautiful, I thought. I wasn't wholly convinced, but I was getting there. Regardless of what I thought about myself, I continued to sing to the Lord about His beauty, and He would always chime in to sing about mine. It was apparent that He cared what I thought about myself.

Really, He did care. God wasn't satisfied with my “maybe.” He wasn't going to settle until I confidently accepted what He was speaking over me.

This weekend I attended a women’s conference at my church, and it was there that God’s message, as I told you in the beginning, finally became a foundational truth in my heart.  The first session was all about how God is beauty, and when we gaze upon His beauty we find our own; how Jesus took all of our ugliness and gave us His beauty, giving us a crown for ashes; how we are intrinsically beautiful because we are God-breathed. Basically, that we are stamped by God’s beauty. All of it kept stirring in me thoughts about that day at the piano when God spoke to me in song, and my heart was bursting with excitement as I felt I finally understood what God had been speaking to me all year.

“God, this is what you were trying to say to me, wasn't it? Not only that you love me enough to sing over me, but that as I gaze upon and proclaim your beauty, my eyes will be opened to my own. Because my beauty is your beauty- it’s your handiwork, your redemption, your sacrifice- I must first look to you, and when I do that, I’ll recognize the beauty you've given me. That’s it, isn't it, Lord?”

I was sure He said yes, but He went a step further and confirmed it to me through a stranger. I always enjoy when He does that.

After the session, a woman I didn't know prayed for me. Halfway through her prayer she began crying and said, “Mary, God wants you to hear that it is when we gaze upon His beauty that His thoughts about us come.” I thought it was good to hear, certainly, but also that we just learned it, so maybe she was just saying that. (I tend to be quite skeptical). She continued, however, and I knew it was from the Lord. “This love,” she began, “this wonder is a continual song- you sing to Him of His beauty, and He sings back to you of yours. He sings over you continually, Mary. Yes, He sings, You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. Look to Him and you will see it.”

I sat down amazed that this woman had reiterated precisely what God had spoken to me a few weeks ago (along with the verse He gave me nine months prior), and I smiled as God whispered to me, “You are beautiful, my darling.”  For the first time, I didn't argue with Him. I didn't doubt Him, either. I simply nodded and said, “Yes Lord, I know. I believe you.”

For the first time, I honestly feel like I do. It’s no longer a “maybe” or a nice idea- I know I’m beautiful, but not because I had some wild revelation about myself and how cool I am. No. I know because I've had a revelation of His awesomeness and of His beauty. He is beautiful- unfathomably so. It truly is when we gaze upon Him that our eyes are opened to our own beauty, worth, and identity. It makes sense, after all: my beauty comes from the Lord. How then can I comprehend my own beauty if I don’t understand His?

I sat in awe of everything I had heard from God that day, and I felt so light I could have floated away. This was freedom, I thought, to be sure that I was beautiful, while also sure it had nothing to do with me.

“God,” I laughed. “Freedom; this is freedom.”

“Yes,” He said. “You came here for freedom, remember? I am faithful, and you are free.”

My heart danced for freedom, for faithfulness, and for promises of joy. God graciously gave me exactly what I asked for this year, and then some.

A foundation of faith has at last been laid. The truth God has been giving me all year finally went from being just a nice idea to a song etched into my heart- it is a melody singing that God is faithful and that I am beautiful, and now I am free.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor … to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.” Isaiah 61:1-3