“Information is not knowledge.” –Albert Einstein
Growing up in a Christian household, I felt as if I had
plenty of “information.”
I knew all the right answers about who God is and about the
stories of the bible. I could reply properly to questioning and I was confident
in what the “Christian response” ought to be. My own personal answers, though,
seemed at times to be a bit different. I had all the right information, but it hadn't yet converted to knowledge, to belief. I could give you the
proper answers, but I hadn't internally begun to believe them.
As I grew into young adulthood- a time in life of crossroads
and decisions- I experienced God’s guidance to be one of the most-stressed
traits by family, friends, and pastors.
“You don’t know where you want to go to school? Don’t you worry,
God will guide you.”
“You’re not sure what you want to study? I’m sure God will
guide your decision.”
Most recently, what I've heard is this:
“You don’t know what you want to do with your life after you
graduate? That’s ok, God will guide you.”
Though each time I have recognized these responses to be the
proper Christian answer, I've never felt any guidance from God in my decisions.
Instead I've felt lost, alone, and afraid that without help I’ll always make
the wrong choice.
At this point in time, what to do with life after graduation seems to be the most eminent decision in my life- it is the climax of choices, the
path that will pave the way for the rest of my days. Maybe it only seems this
way because I’m currently trying to make it, but it is nevertheless
intimidating. I have a world of opportunities in front me and no idea how to
pick a single one.
For months and months my indecision about life post-graduation not only created
anxiety, but also intense pressure as I realized my choice affected the
people around me: my family, friends, and boyfriend.
My thoughts terrorized
me daily saying, “Your choice affects everyone else who cares about you, too,
so make the right one.”
Not exactly
encouraging, right?
Sometimes I would become so paralyzed by fear that I would sob
uncontrollably, pleading with God for guidance, telling him I was too afraid to
move. Sadly, I eventually became resentful in these moments because I felt
ignored; I never heard any answers from the Lord and I felt as lost as I did
before I went to him in prayer.
Sometimes I even felt worse.
One morning I became even more discouraged than usual, and I
decided to turn to the Word. Maybe God wouldn't answer me through prayer, but
perhaps I could find answers and comfort in the words of the bible. As God always does, he met me where I was and gave me answers, though they weren't the ones for which I originally began
searching. This is what I found:
“Trust in the Lord
with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways
acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
“In their hearts
humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9
I read these and realized I had a gap in my understanding of
what it meant to be guided by God. I would pray in times of uncertainty and
say, “Lord I pray you guide me in this decision,” but what I was really saying
was, “Lord, tell me what to choose and I’ll choose it.”
I didn't want
guidance, I wanted answers.
I wasn't truly believing in the power of God! Somehow I
thought that if I didn't know exactly where I was going then I’d mess it up. I didn't believe God’s guidance could overpower my obliviousness to the end
result of his plan. I may have wanted to be in line with God’s will, but I hadn't put my trust in it- I was convinced that I had to know it and understand it to
assure that I followed through with it.
If I truly believed in the wisdom and power of the Lord, wouldn't my willing heart be enough to assure me that God will guide me?
I think back to the simple words Jesus spoke to acquire his
disciples: “Follow me.” There were no specifications or details, but merely an
invitation to follow him. In fact, the lack of complexity in these interactions
has always struck me.
“As Jesus was walking
beside the Sea of Galilee he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his
brother Andrew…’Come, follow me,’ Jesus said, ‘and I will send you out to fish
for people.’ At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there
he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John…Jesus
called them and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.”
Matthew 4:18-22
“As Jesus went on from
there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow
me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.” Matthew 9:9
These men didn't need any explanations from Jesus, but
solely the security that came with being led by the Lord. Likewise, Jesus didn't need to provide the disciples with a detailed map of their journey- he merely
needed a willing heart.
Decisions may still be intimidating and crossroads frightening,
but I too can have the same security as the disciples did, knowing that I am
being purposefully guided by God. Though sometimes I may not see clearly where
I am being led, I am called to live by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians
5:7). If I am going to trust anyone wholly with my steps, better the Lord than
myself.
God can guide all those who are lost; all he needs is a
willing heart.
