I don’t much like movies at all, but especially ones about
war. It’s partly because I’m a little queasy and all the blood makes me uneasy,
but also because it’s much too hard for my heart to watch people die. Some have
tried to convince me to watch them by reminding me these things really happened
(and continue to), but my eyes simply weren’t built to see that kind of
devastation, and so I just don’t.
That is why I was so confused by the picture that has been
playing over and over again in my head. I mean, I don’t like war, and so war
movies or stories or pictures don’t speak to me. It’s just not in my heart. If
God is going to speak to me, it’s going to be through nature or music or a
book- it’s usually not through a picture of war that plays on repeat in my
mind.
I guess he decided it was time for a change of pace.
So here’s what happened: I kept seeing this woman preparing
for war. She was training with a sword, dressing herself in armor, and she
stood tall and confident, believing she was ready for battle. She mentally ran
through the supposed “playbook” of her opponent, and she hypothesized what tactics
he may use against her- she prepared a defense for each of these. Then I saw
her on the battlefield, standing across from a large army. As soon as her eyes
met her adversaries, somehow I knew she had become disheartened and believed
herself to be weak, and that was it.
I ignored this thought the first few times it popped into my
head, because I figured I was just imagining some weird clip of a movie I had
once seen or something. After I kept imagining it over and over, I got a little
annoyed. What the heck does this mean?!
Why am I thinking about this?! Finally I thought that maybe God was trying
to teach me something, and so I tried to pay more attention. Even that, though,
was a little frustrating because I was utterly confused by its purpose!
I don’t remember my exact words when I finally addressed God,
but I’m sure they were something along the lines of, “What in the world? God,
what on Earth are you trying to say to me and why would you use a war
analogy to do it?! You know I don’t get that stuff.” What war was this woman
training for, and why did she think she was weak before the battle even
started? I had no idea what was going on, nor did I feel like I heard an
answer, so I just brushed it off and forgot about it.
Then, a few days ago, I believe I received my answer. It was
a day just like any other, yet I noticed this unsettled and eerie feeling in my
heart. I hadn't done anything different, and yet the voice of a sin I thought I’d
dealt with long ago resurfaced in my heart. The day was filled with this
specific temptation, and I found myself unknowingly giving into it for moments
at a time, only to be scolded by myself afterward. “Come on, be stronger than
that,” I’d think to myself. “Why is this even coming up again? I must be so
weak if this is going to continue to be a problem in my life.”
Stop being so hard on
yourself, Mary. You have no control over how your enemy attacks you, but only
how you respond to it.
Whoa, good point.
That girl in the war
is you. You’ve worked hard to be where you are, and yet all it takes is one
look at the enemy’s weapons to convince you that you’re weak! Listen, your
opponent’s offense is not a reflection of you. The enemy may choose to attack
certain areas, but you don’t have to agree with his assumed weakness in you.
Instead, stand up confidently and declare that in Me you are strong, and you
will be.
Never have I learned
so much from a picture of war. It’s simple, really: I can’t control how I am
attacked. I can’t control how I am tempted or how I am verbally berated. I can,
however, control my response, and if my response is to stand on the truth of
God, I will win. If it is to walk with God and in his ways, I will win.
If my response is God, I will always win. That doesn’t mean
I won’t be attacked, nor does it mean there won’t be a war- it means at the end
of the day, I will win.
God has won, and we are conquerors through him. If I were
ever going to learn anything through a war story, I would've wanted this to be
it. Thanks be to God, for He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ
(1 Corinthians 15:57).
“There is no wisdom nor understanding nor
counsel that can avail against the Lord. The horse is prepared for the day of
battle, but victory belongs to the Lord.” –Proverbs 21:30-31
