“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Ah yes, the
age-old question. For some, this question can bring a lot of excitement. “I’m
glad you asked! Let me tell you about my dreams.” For others, this question can
be stressful, or discouraging. “Actually, I don’t quite know exactly what I’d
like to be. I’m still trying to figure that out.”
I relate
much more with the latter. I dread this question from others (which people
continue to ask me frequently, as if 21 isn't already grown up) because I simply
just don’t know how to answer it. As a senior in college, I find myself still
wondering what I want to be “when I grow up.” A single semester away from
graduation, I have contemplated and dreamt about changing my major of studies
completely. “Maybe I’ll just go back to school all over again,” I've thought.
Talk about
lost.
Don’t people
figure these things out before they even apply to colleges? Even kids know what they want to be already,
and I haven’t a clue! I’m about to graduate and I feel no closer to knowing
what I want to do with the rest of my life.
First come
the feelings of waywardness, and a never-ending sense of blindly wandering.
Next come the doubts and incessant “what ifs” about every step. Then come the inquisitions.
You ask, “Is there something wrong with me?
Why does everyone else have it all figured out?” Lastly, fear consumes your
thoughts. You wonder if you’ll ever make it to the other side of the daily
confusion, questioning, and desperate searching. What will happen if you don’t?
Will I ever
amount to anything, or am I doomed to be an indecisive nomad forever?
It is such a
loaded question, asking what you want to be. It puts intense amount of pressure
in knowing, deciding, and then being
something for the rest of your life. I don’t know if you know, but the rest of
your life is a LONG TIME. Do you know how crucial that makes your answer? Let
me tell you: extremely.
There is so
much weighing on a single decision; one that seemingly everyone else has
already made while I indefinitely can’t. I’d be lying if I said that thought,
that seemingly everything is dependent upon a single question which I find
impossible to answer, never stressed me out. I’d be kidding myself if I claimed
it to be an easy choice- one that has never plagued my thoughts or kept me awake
at night. No, it has been all of these, increasingly so as I creep closer and
closer to graduation: the “real” world.
Through all
of my wondering and wandering, I have missed one key factor: I've already
answered the question, and I can honestly say that I have never looked back.
On November
27, 2005, I confidently answered the age-old question, pronouncing that I, for
the rest of my life, wanted to be a child of God. A believer. A follower. A
servant.
And that is
what I am: a child of the high and mighty God, and there is nothing else I can
ever be that is as significant, beautiful, or worthwhile.
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on
earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not
destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:19-20
You see, I
have spent so much time searching for what I will someday be, but I have been
looking in all the wrong places. My answer has never been in my schooling, my
degree, or my career, but rather in God’s truth- the words that remind me who
he has made me to be. In all of my searching I had forgotten that all I need to
be is all that I already am: myself.
So, who am
I?
I am a
beautiful and beloved daughter of a mighty king.
For those who are led by the Spirit of God
are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so
that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your
adoption to sonship. Romans 8:14-15
So in Christ Jesus you are all children of
God through faith. Galatians 3:26
I am a
glorious citizen of heaven.
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we
eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power
that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our
lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Philippians 3:20-21
I am an heir
with Christ, promised an eternal inheritance.
And you also were included in Christ when
you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you
believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is
a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s
possession. Ephesians 1:13-14
What can I be?
I can be a
disciple of Christ.
Therefore go and make disciples of all
nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the
Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. Matthew
28:19-20a.
I can be a
light unto the world for the truth of the gospel.
You are the light of the world. A town built
on a hill cannot be hidden … In the same way, let your light shine before
others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven.
Matthew 5:14,16
I can be an
essential member of the body of Christ
Just as a body, though one, has many parts,
but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all
baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body … the body is not made up of one
part but of many. 1 Corinthians 12: 12-14
I can be an
obedient, glorifying servant of God.
What does the Lord your God ask of you but
to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve
the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul? Deuteronomy 10:12
I have the
freedom in Christ to pursue any career I desire, but as his child I am called
to be something much higher. God isn't interested in my profession, though he
can undoubtedly use me in whichever circumstance I choose. Ultimately, he is
interested in my heart. I can spend my life working for societal success and monetary
gain, or more importantly for “food that endures to eternal life, which the Son
of Man will give,” (John 6:27).
Though I do
not know which career I will find myself in 10 years from now, I do know my
answer to the ancient question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
I want to be
a child of God; a beautiful, forgiven, adored, adopted daughter of a high and
mighty king.
My heart took delight in all my labor, and
this was the reward for all my toil. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had
done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing
after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. Ecclesiastes 2:10b-11
