My Body's Beauty

“I don’t like the way I look,” says 97 percent of the female population.

I know this feeling all too well, and I know I’m not alone. I have struggled with body image issues for years, and in those years I have realized that most other women do, too. I have spent the last two years ensnared and trapped by these struggles, and the last six months trying to fight them off.

Let me tell you, it is no easy task trying to fight against something that is so deeply ingrained, something so seemingly normal, something so constantly occurring in your heart.

It had become abnormal for me to look into the mirror and not be disappointed or disgusted by what I saw. This was wrong, but this was my heart.

I think of the scene in ‘Mean Girls’ as they stand in front of the mirror criticizing different parts of their bodies. Cady thinks, “I used to think there was just skinny and fat. I had no idea so many different things could be wrong with your body.” It’s a movie, yes, but it is so close to reality.

You could pinpoint any spot on a woman’s body, and chances are she could tell you a number of ways in which its imperfections keep her from being beautiful. 

My nose just isn’t right; it’s too big on my face. My hips are too wide. My legs aren’t curvy enough. My shoulders are too broad. My eyebrows are so flawed. My eyes are too far apart. My stomach is too flabby. My butt is too flat. My feet are ugly. My ears are humongous. My (fingernails, toes, lips, eyelashes, hair, teeth, dimples, chest, fill in the blank) is wrong; it’s all just ugly and wrong.

I was at this point when God invited me on a trip; the trip to discover truth about the beauty that my body possesses. This journey consisted of three main stops: learning the truth, believing the truth, and allowing this truth to be enough.

For me, learning and believing seemed impossible. I was convinced that they had to be done together, while also thinking that the learning had to precede the believing. Have you ever tried to learn about something that you absolutely don’t believe? It’s hard! If you’re skeptical the whole time, how much will you really intake and digest what you are trying to learn? This was me, and I felt no hope that I would ever be able to learn or believe.

Part of the problem is that I was spending too much time telling myself what I wasn’t, instead of telling myself what I was.

The other day as I was looking at myself (and by looking I mean criticizing) in the mirror, God stopped me where I was. He grabbed my attention and said,

“When you use your eyes to see instead of critique, the world becomes a more beautiful place. Your body becomes the beautiful masterpiece it was created to be; a piece of my artwork to be admired, not criticized. Use your eyes to see.”

I was spending my time focused on the society-based imperfections of my body instead of the beautiful creation that it was.

I saw in my stomach weight that I wanted to lose, instead of the miraculous power it had of creating a beautiful baby someday.

I saw in my shoulders a lack of slenderness, instead of the strength they had in helping to carry other’s burdens.

I saw in my legs constant disappointment, instead of the healthy and trustworthy partners I had that allowed me to enjoy running as I do.

I couldn't look beyond my self-diagnosed imperfections to see that my body is amazing.

It was incredible for me to look in the mirror and see something beautiful instead of something I wanted to change. Unfortunately, this was quickly suffocated away by critical thoughts of my body. Though I was learning and beginning to believe this truth, I needed it to be enough. I was in a place where I was saying, “Yeah that truth is nice, but I still want this image of beauty.” I had moments where God’s words would satisfy me, but most other times it never fully did. I didn’t understand, and I didn’t know how to change.

Was I supposed to just forget everything I ever desired my body to be? Was I supposed to ignore the way I looked and pretend that my body image never mattered? How was I ever supposed to quiet the voice that told me I still wasn’t just right?

Looking back on the moments wherein God’s truth truly did satisfy my heart, I found my answer.

When the truth of God’s words isn’t enough, it’s because I am placing more importance and authority on someone or something else. When God is legitimately the most important thing in my life, my physical appearance doesn’t matter. When God is first, I can see.

When I find myself so in love with God that He is my heart’s deepest desire, I find myself loving my body, his beautiful creation, too.

We are still on the trip together to fully heal my heart, but I am learning, and I know I am moving forward. I am on a journey traveling forward with God; one that allows my weak heart to make pit stops. Sometimes I have to stop at station one, wherein I have forgotten the truth I have learned and need to hear it again. Other days, I have to stop at station three because I have allowed God to fall from the first love in my life, and I must refocus my eyes and heart on Him. None of the stops are a sign that I have begun moving backward, but they are necessary stops to make along the way so that I may reach my end destination.

I may never fully reach it, but I have hope knowing that I am continually moving forward (and that God doesn’t mind driving every once in awhile when I am exhausted).

For years as I struggled with my body, my primary focus and desire was to make myself more beautiful. Strangely enough, God is doing just that for me. He is making me into a more beautiful person each day, but not by changing my appearance as I would have done. He is merely opening my eyes to the beauty that has always been there, the beauty that He created. 

Our Desire to Fix

Naturally in life we want to fix. A lot of men will say that this is a “man thing,” and a lot of women will say it is a “woman thing.” Personally, I think it’s just a human thing. We want to fix things. People, objects, situations, it doesn’t matter. Whatever kind of brokenness it may be, we purposefully strive to mend it.

As far as broken people are concerned, I don’t mean fixing each other in a way that says, “You suck, let me fix you.” I mean it in a way that says, “You’re hurt, let me fix it.” So maybe ‘help’ is a more accurate verb to use, but I think you get the idea. We naturally like to patch and restore the pains of others. I think that this is especially true when referring to ourselves and our own brokenness, but also with those that are close to our hearts.

I could easily recite a number of times when I attempted to mend my own broken heart. I used to think (and occasionally still do) that I knew how best to go about bettering a situation. I was convinced that I was smart enough, strong enough, and capable enough to fix the wrongs in my life and my heart on my own. However, I began learning that some hurts are beyond my realm of possibility. There are wrongs I can’t right, acts I can’t forgive, and lies I can’t see through. There are so many things in my life that I can’t fix.

Only God can fix these, and once you realize that God is the only one who can fully fix them, you will know exactly where to take your pain.

Let me tell you, it is an amazing feeling when you can begin to confidently bring the broken pieces of yourself to God and trust that He will help put you back together. Not only do you not have to carry them alone, but you are seeking help from the King who has overcome all; the One who so strongly desires the opportunity to pick up those pieces. Nowhere else will you find the kind of healing and rest that you will find with God. Not only does He have the power to radically transform and restore your heart, but He willingly and longingly wants to do so. 

This is so awesome! I think this is an incredible picture of God’s strength and love for us. Astonishingly enough, I am already able to look back at my life and see areas that God alone has healed. The restoration that He can bring into our lives is beyond amazing. I am continually in awe of God’s power to loosen my grip and make new my heart when I am fully convinced that, “I can’t let it go; I can’t forget.” God’s strength of healing in our lives is utterly marvelous. While this kind of repair is amazing as it happens in my life, I think that this power is at its most beautiful as it happens in other’s lives. Let me explain:

Recently I had a close friend share with me a deeply personal story about hurt they had experienced in the past. As they shared with me, my heart broke for them and I was literally left speechless. It took some time for my heart and mind to stop racing, but once they did, my first gut reaction was, “I want to fix this.” It was a very irrational thought, but it was natural. I saw wrong and I wanted to make it right.

Even later as I prayed about it, I had no words. (I’m not sure if prayers are ever awkward for God, but if that’s possible, then this was totally was). I didn’t know what I was feeling, what I was thinking, or what I wanted. All I knew was that I needed to go to God with it all. In the midst of the potentially awkward prayer between God and me, I remembered the obvious:

I myself couldn’t do anything. Nothing. I couldn’t change it, I couldn’t erase it, and I couldn’t fix it.

My second gut reaction (the first being my desire to fix it) was to become distressed. Naturally, I should be troubled by the fact that I can’t amend such a scarring in a life that I care for so deeply. Strangely, I was unbelievably calm. Somehow I was brought an incredible peace by realizing that I could do nothing, and remembering the One who could do everything.

In that moment, I was immensely grateful. I have never in my life been more thankful that I have a God who heals. In fact, those were the only words that I DID say. “God … you heal. Thank you God that you heal!”

It was in that instant that I truly saw the beauty of God’s love and power. I have felt the gratitude in my own life when my heart was mended and cared for by my King, but it was an entirely different level of admiration in that moment. I don’t even know that I can do justice in explaining it, because saying that I was in awe is an understatement; saying that I was grateful is an understatement. No words can accurately describe what I was feeling, but I felt whatever I did because of the truth that God does heal. I saw the brokenness in a life that I loved, and I was overwhelmed by the peace and assurance that came with knowing that God has been, continues to, and will be working to bring healing into that life.

It’s an amazing feeling when you can begin to confidently bring the broken pieces of yourself to God and trust that He will help you put them back together, but it is even more amazing when you can trust God with the healing of another; of someone close to your heart. And the truth is, you can trust Him with it, because He does heal.  

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5.

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them.” Psalm 107:19-20.

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4.

It was comforting to be reminded that my God does heal. I was reminded that no matter how much I love my friend, God loves them more. No matter how much I desire to fix, heal, and help them, God desires it more. God wants us to be whole and healed, and He has the most power and strength to accomplish both.

God gives me hope. He gives it, not only in my own life, but in the lives of those I love. Although I know that I am not capable of healing everyone from all of the hurt they have experienced or will experience in this world, I have a strong hope that God can. I don’t have the ability or the knowledge necessary to take away the pain, but God does. Ultimately, I can do very little more than just be there for a friend, but I can rest easy knowing that God’s power of healing can do more for their heart than anything I ever could.

The truth that God heals in my life is awesome. The truth that God heals in all lives, especially in the ones that I love most, is amazing, hopeful, comforting, peaceful, incredible, and beautiful. I can find no better comfort than knowing that those I love are made whole once again in God’s loving arms.