My Body's Beauty

“I don’t like the way I look,” says 97 percent of the female population.

I know this feeling all too well, and I know I’m not alone. I have struggled with body image issues for years, and in those years I have realized that most other women do, too. I have spent the last two years ensnared and trapped by these struggles, and the last six months trying to fight them off.

Let me tell you, it is no easy task trying to fight against something that is so deeply ingrained, something so seemingly normal, something so constantly occurring in your heart.

It had become abnormal for me to look into the mirror and not be disappointed or disgusted by what I saw. This was wrong, but this was my heart.

I think of the scene in ‘Mean Girls’ as they stand in front of the mirror criticizing different parts of their bodies. Cady thinks, “I used to think there was just skinny and fat. I had no idea so many different things could be wrong with your body.” It’s a movie, yes, but it is so close to reality.

You could pinpoint any spot on a woman’s body, and chances are she could tell you a number of ways in which its imperfections keep her from being beautiful. 

My nose just isn’t right; it’s too big on my face. My hips are too wide. My legs aren’t curvy enough. My shoulders are too broad. My eyebrows are so flawed. My eyes are too far apart. My stomach is too flabby. My butt is too flat. My feet are ugly. My ears are humongous. My (fingernails, toes, lips, eyelashes, hair, teeth, dimples, chest, fill in the blank) is wrong; it’s all just ugly and wrong.

I was at this point when God invited me on a trip; the trip to discover truth about the beauty that my body possesses. This journey consisted of three main stops: learning the truth, believing the truth, and allowing this truth to be enough.

For me, learning and believing seemed impossible. I was convinced that they had to be done together, while also thinking that the learning had to precede the believing. Have you ever tried to learn about something that you absolutely don’t believe? It’s hard! If you’re skeptical the whole time, how much will you really intake and digest what you are trying to learn? This was me, and I felt no hope that I would ever be able to learn or believe.

Part of the problem is that I was spending too much time telling myself what I wasn’t, instead of telling myself what I was.

The other day as I was looking at myself (and by looking I mean criticizing) in the mirror, God stopped me where I was. He grabbed my attention and said,

“When you use your eyes to see instead of critique, the world becomes a more beautiful place. Your body becomes the beautiful masterpiece it was created to be; a piece of my artwork to be admired, not criticized. Use your eyes to see.”

I was spending my time focused on the society-based imperfections of my body instead of the beautiful creation that it was.

I saw in my stomach weight that I wanted to lose, instead of the miraculous power it had of creating a beautiful baby someday.

I saw in my shoulders a lack of slenderness, instead of the strength they had in helping to carry other’s burdens.

I saw in my legs constant disappointment, instead of the healthy and trustworthy partners I had that allowed me to enjoy running as I do.

I couldn't look beyond my self-diagnosed imperfections to see that my body is amazing.

It was incredible for me to look in the mirror and see something beautiful instead of something I wanted to change. Unfortunately, this was quickly suffocated away by critical thoughts of my body. Though I was learning and beginning to believe this truth, I needed it to be enough. I was in a place where I was saying, “Yeah that truth is nice, but I still want this image of beauty.” I had moments where God’s words would satisfy me, but most other times it never fully did. I didn’t understand, and I didn’t know how to change.

Was I supposed to just forget everything I ever desired my body to be? Was I supposed to ignore the way I looked and pretend that my body image never mattered? How was I ever supposed to quiet the voice that told me I still wasn’t just right?

Looking back on the moments wherein God’s truth truly did satisfy my heart, I found my answer.

When the truth of God’s words isn’t enough, it’s because I am placing more importance and authority on someone or something else. When God is legitimately the most important thing in my life, my physical appearance doesn’t matter. When God is first, I can see.

When I find myself so in love with God that He is my heart’s deepest desire, I find myself loving my body, his beautiful creation, too.

We are still on the trip together to fully heal my heart, but I am learning, and I know I am moving forward. I am on a journey traveling forward with God; one that allows my weak heart to make pit stops. Sometimes I have to stop at station one, wherein I have forgotten the truth I have learned and need to hear it again. Other days, I have to stop at station three because I have allowed God to fall from the first love in my life, and I must refocus my eyes and heart on Him. None of the stops are a sign that I have begun moving backward, but they are necessary stops to make along the way so that I may reach my end destination.

I may never fully reach it, but I have hope knowing that I am continually moving forward (and that God doesn’t mind driving every once in awhile when I am exhausted).

For years as I struggled with my body, my primary focus and desire was to make myself more beautiful. Strangely enough, God is doing just that for me. He is making me into a more beautiful person each day, but not by changing my appearance as I would have done. He is merely opening my eyes to the beauty that has always been there, the beauty that He created.