God Over Coffee

"Let's chat on the front porch this morning," He said. "There is a nice breeze today."

I gladly took my place on the wooden, white rocking chair that overlooked the fields surrounding the house. As a light wind brushed my face, I watched the trees and wheat fields dance in front of me. The weather alone was enough to put me in a great mood all day. He knows me so well.

"Good morning," I smiled.

"I'm glad you're here," He said.

We sat and talked as good friends do, simply enjoying the presence of the other even in the moments of silence. My heart was overjoyed, as always, to be with Him.

"What is still on your mind?" He asks me; not out of curiosity but out of kindness, for surely He knows already. He never fails to give me an option.

"I can't stop thinking about John 8:31-32. If you abide in My word, you are truly My disciples; and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." 

"Yes," He says.

I laugh at His ambiguity. "Well," I say, "I always enjoy reading this verse, but right now I feel overwhelmed. Not in a bad way, of course. You know that. I just can't help but think of the first time you spoke to my heart with this verse."

"Ah yes, I remember that wonderful moment," He responds. "You already knew Me (as well as you could at that time) and you already believed in Me, but in that moment you realized I knew you. You realized I had a plan for you and that there was hope."

"Yes," He says wistfully, "I remember."

"Yes! Yes," I say as tears of joy begin to fill my eyes. "Yes, that was the moment I started to believe differently- when I truly found hope. That was the first time I believed there could be freedom, and I knew you would take me there."

"I gave you that verse as a gift, do you remember?" He questions.

"Of course! That's why it brought me such hope and faith. It wasn't just a good verse. It was your affirmation for my heart."

"Exactly. I knew your heart, you see, but you didn't know that then. You didn't know I am a warm, gentle Father who has been with you every step of your life- even in the hardships. You didn't know that there is abundant life in store for you as My child. You didn't know you were never alone in your fight for freedom; I have always been fighting with you and for you. I knew the desire of your heart was freedom, even before you uttered the words out loud. I wanted you to know that I knew you."

I can hardly respond through the tears as I reminisce about the journey I have been on. I think of how suffocated I was by bondage in my life two years ago. I hated myself and most other people, I was anorexic, I was controlling, I was angry, I was immoral, and I was so hurt by others that I closed off my heart to any and everyone. I was a cold and broken girl, and I wasn't sure I could ever truly be free from the habits, the hurts, and the lies that bound me.

All of this, and yet I went to church every Sunday. I loved God, but I didn't know much of His character or of His word. I didn't understand that when God said "you will be free indeed," that He meant "you will be free indeed."

Sometimes I'm not even sure how I ended up where I did, but the arrangements were made for me to attend a discipleship school in California at the start of 2014. I had no idea what to expect, but I remember telling myself, "If nothing else, I want to walk away from this with freedom." I didn't want to be the way I was anymore. I didn't want to hurt the ways I always had. I wanted to be free.

I think about the verse I received as a gift nearly as soon as I arrive to California, and I am overwhelmed merely by the events leading up to my journey. "You always knew," I say in awe.

"Of course I did," He says, "even when you didn't."

Oh, how faithful He has been to me.

"I am so amazed because ..."

I pause. I can hardly describe His greatness with words. He smiles as He waits for me to explain my thoughts further. He knows where I am going.

"I am amazed because it wasn't at all what I expected. I thought freedom would be found in a book or in an equation. I thought it would take science and facts and maybe even a program of some sort to fix me. It didn't take any of that. I didn't need the truth of facts or information," I say with built excitement.

He waits once more.

"Freedom was found in a person!" I exclaim. "He is the truth, and He has set me free!"

"Yes, My child, truth is not an ambiguous concept. Truth is a person. Truth is My Son. He alone will set you free."

"And because He is the word like it says in John 1, this verse is more about knowing Him than knowing about Him. Then that relationship is what brings such freedom, right?!"

He smiles at me. I can tell He enjoys watching my brain try to comprehend His goodness.

"I knew plenty about you before, but I didn't really know you. I didn't know your love like I do now."

"I wanted to change that," He says. "I invited you two years ago on an extraordinary adventure with the One who loves you most. I wanted to introduce you to an abundant life of love and freedom and joy. I was thrilled when you accepted."

"I had no idea what I was in for, but I am so thankful. You have been so faithful to me. Most of the time I wasn't even seeking out freedom- I was lost in the beauty of who you are. Yet when I sought you, I was free. As I seek you now, I am even more so."

"You need not seek anything apart from Me. I am freedom. I am truth. I am life and joy and peace. When you seek Me, you will find these things. I am more than you can ever imagine, and I am ecstatic about the rest of our journey together."

"There is more?!" I ask excitedly. "I mean, I know there's more, but what I've experienced with you these last two years would've been enough for me forever."

"In Me are treasures and joy you know yet nothing of in comparison. I have much life for you- abundant life- and if you come with me, you will truly experience it."

"Always, Lord."

"Always is what I've got planned," He said.




"You will make known to me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures forever." Psalm 16:11