Oh God, How I Need You

I've been coming to realize lately how often and how desperately I need God.

I used to think I just needed him for the big, life-changing stuff. You know, the, "God please help me arrive home safely, pass this exam, get this job," stuff. The addictions. The disorders. The BIG stuff. Recently, I’ve learned that I desperately need him in even the small, daily stuff (which actually turns out to be the big stuff).

A few weeks ago I heard a pastor say in reference to grace, “You can’t accept something if you don’t know you need it. This is why God reveals our sin.” In the same way, one won’t depend on God if they don’t think they need to, and this is why he reveals our weaknesses.

When God reveals our weaknesses, he illustrates to us our deep need for him.  

Back in February, I went on a week-long trip with my church. The purpose of the trip was to grow in Christ, but throughout the trip I was miserable. I felt nothing other than broken. Each day, more of my imperfections and scars were revealed in my life and I felt far beyond repairable. It was too much too quickly, and I didn’t know how to handle each new aspect of damage I was finding in my life.  

What I hadn’t yet realized was that God was opening my eyes for my benefit. He wasn’t pointing it out to hurt, shame, or overwhelm me. God wanted to heal me, to begin repairing my heart, and he could only do so once I opened my heart to him. If I didn’t think I had a need to be healed, I wouldn’t turn to God for healing.

Though unintentional, I was quite overwhelmed by it all, but I learned through it the freedom that comes in fully depending on God in everything. 

I’m learning now that I need God in every aspect of my life, and I need him desperately. I feel that each day I reach a new mountain, whether it be new obstacles of pain, confusion, anger, hurt, etc., and I find myself each time saying, "I have no idea how I could do this without God." 

Jesus says, “Apart from me you can do nothing,” which is absolutely true, but I feel as there is so much more. It’s not just doing that we need God for. While there is nothing that I can do apart from God, there is also nothing I can be. No redemption I can bring. No healing I can find. No comfort I can give. No wisdom I can speak. No words I can write. No love I can display. No strength I can assert.

I need God for everything.

I need him every minute of every day in every situation, and I continually see that holding true in each aspect of my life, that I couldn't do it without God. I see it in my relationship. I see it in my goals. I see it in my friends and family. I see it in my words, my heart, my thoughts, my dreams.

I need God daily for strength. I need him daily for my identity. I need him daily for healing, comfort, peace, encouragement, love, wisdom, hope, purpose, direction, and grace. I need him for breath and for life.

I need God in every moment because I am broken, because I have a damaged heart. I am an imperfect being who lacks fullness on my own. But in God I am made complete, I am given renewed strength, and through him my world comes beautifully to life. 

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:4-5

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. Colossians 2:9-10.