What We Don't Want To Hear, Pt. 2

"Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, Speak to all the assembly of the children of Israel, and say to them, You shall be holy, for I, Jehovah your God, am holy," (Leviticus 19:1-2). 

I am Jehovah your God. Be holy for I am holy. God repeated this mandate continually throughout the book of Leviticus. It amazes me, actually, how often the Lord reminds His people who He is as He "lays down the law," so to speak. Much of Leviticus is directed toward the priesthood, but in a span of three chapters in which the directions for holy living are given to the people of Israel specifically, God echoes this proclamation of who He is 25 different times.  

It seems to me like He really wants to hit home the point that 1) He is holy and 2) He is God and lastly, 3) He wants us to be as He is. 
If I had to pick one concept that stuck out to me through my reading of this book, it would be that holiness really matters to God. "Be holy for I am holy." This was neither a half-hearted statement nor a passing thought. This was the foundation and purpose for the law: our holiness. It is apparent as one reads through the book of the law that holiness is a matter of great importance to the Lord. 
I think sometimes we can become so caught up in the grace of God that we forget the holiness of God. We are more apt to remember that Jesus didn't condemn the women caught in adultery than the fact that He commanded her to go and sin no more (see John 8:10-11). Yet both aspects are the truth of who God is and what He desires of His people. He is full of grace and compassion toward us in our shortcomings, but He wills that we leave our sin and live a life of holiness. 
It matters to Him that we change. He loves us as we are, but He is not content to leave us there. Now, as I explained in my previous post, we are free from this Old Testament law. Simply because it is beneficial for understanding doesn't mean it is binding. We are not required to live by the same conditions that God's people once did. Thank you, Jesus! However, the principles of holy living given in the law are still applicable to us today.
Disclaimer: As we search the law for understanding, we must remember that God has not changed from the Old Testament to the New Testament. How we relate to Him has, but who He is has not. What was once important to Him still is, and what He once considered to be sin still stands. He is the same yesterday, today, and yes, even forever, (see Hebrews 13:8). We should keep this in mind as we continue.
Okay, so are you with me so far? Holiness is super important to God. The law helps us understand what holiness is. Thus, the law is beneficial. 
So far so good? Sweet! (I'm assuming you said yes). Let us jump in, then, to discover the principles of the law and what they mean for us today. 
Oh, by the way: The beauty of grace is that, as we dive in, we mustn't be concerned with our standing before God. We are free to read through a host of laws we assuredly don't follow, and we can be confident in the power of Jesus's blood to redeem us as if we always had. We are holy before the Lord- don't forget that He has made you new. 
Leviticus begins with eight chapters that discuss protocol regarding different offerings unto God. These are the exciting chapters that talk about animal sacrifice, a little blood sprinkled here and there, removing fat from bones, etc. I could go into all the symbolism and how they all represent an aspect of Jesus and what He has done for us, but I'm currently more concerned with how they affect our walk of holiness because, however strangely, they do. 
We no longer bring animals or food to an altar, but we can bring to God the best of our time, our devotion, our money, and our lives. God is worthy of our best, and He knows when we give Him less. 

In my last blog I left you with questions about the purpose of the law to us now that it has been fulfilled through Jesus Christ. This is it, my friends: our holiness. Paul says that although through the works of the law no one shall be justified before God, "through the law is the clear knowledge of sin," (Romans 3:20). An understanding of the law will guide us into the holiness the Lord desires for our lives. 

... ... ... ... 

Holiness principle one: God is worthy of sacrificing the best.

What struck me throughout the offerings is that God required His people to sacrifice an animal from their herd of cattle without blemish. Cattle was part of their livelihood, so it was a cost to them, and God wanted a perfectly pure sacrifice. He wouldn't accept the disabled cow that no longer plowed or the sick goat that was of no use. It was, by definition, a true sacrifice- they had to give up something that was of great value to them. 

Not only this, but some of these sacrifices were to be made more than once per day. That's a lot of sacrifice! The principle here is that God is worthy of our best in every day, and we ought to give Him no less than best of what we have. We no longer make sacrifices to earn God's grace, but we sacrifice in response to grace because God, the glorious gift-giver, is worthy. 

It matters to God whether we give to Him of our first fruits or if we give what we have left over. Do we give Him our time and attention before we get started with our day, or do we wait until after we've spent time accomplishing everything else under the sun? Do we offer Him money as soon as we receive the paycheck, or do we give to Him after we've bought all we wanted to? Do we allow Him to direct our lives, or do we give Him a small portion of our life wherein He can have a say? He deserves the first and the best, and that is what we should offer.

Don't bring God a sick goat; He deserves your best. Walking in this reverent generosity is holiness.

"He who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who seeks to find his life shall lose it, but he who loses his life for My sake shall find it," (Matthew 10:38-39).

Holiness principle two: God is ruthless with sin, and so shall we be. 

In Leviticus 12, God distinguishes between clean and unclean animals, stating those that are considered clean are able to be sacrificed and eaten without fear of defilement. The unclean animals, however, must be avoided at all costs. 

The Israelites are commanded to literally shatter stoves or vessels into which any unclean insect may fall, and likewise must rid themselves of articles of clothing or sackcloth that becomes tainted. It is certainly drastic and seemingly unnecessary, yet it's not merely about a few flies falling in your water. The principle here is that sin will defile whatever it touches, and we are to be ruthless with it in our lives. Even sin the size of a fly has the power to destroy us from the inside out if we let it. 

God didn't play games with sin, and neither should we. He didn't overlook even the smallest of unclean insects, though we tend to gloss over (and even justify) the "smallest" of sins such as lying, stealing, pride, worry (yes, worry), judgment, or disobedience. In our human perceptions we create a hierarchy of sin, failing to realize that every sin of every "size" defiles us just the same. 

It doesn't matter if it's just a fly if it still contaminates your soul. 

We are to be merciless with the sin in our lives, and we ought to shatter any vessel that harbors it. Don't dare drink out of the cup of pride that says, "I'm better than him because..." nor the cup of worry which says, "What if...?" Surely sin has tainted your drink, and even a drop will defile you from the inside out. 

Walking in such fierceness toward sin is holiness. 

"And if your eye stumbles you, cast it out; it is better for you to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into Gehenna," (Mark 9:47).

Holiness principle three: God doesn't purify sin; when sin is present, He brings in the wrecking ball.

Though similar in ways to point number two, I thought this concept was especially important to add. In Leviticus 13-14, God gives instructions on how to deal with leprosy. Much of this, I believe, is practical, yet also symbolic in many ways regarding sin. What I find fascinating is what God says about leprosy that has spread to clothing and housing. 

There is a process of isolation to go through when a house or cloth is suspected to be infected by leprosy, which is an attempt to remove the infection from the item and observe whether it is still unharmed. However, when the appointed time passes and it is clear that the clothing or house is tainted by leprosy, the clothing is burnt and the house is broken down (and its pieces of stone are thrown outside the city). 

I think there is something to be said about the way God utterly destroys what has been infected. The principle is that sin must be mercilessly destroyed and cast out of our lives lest it corrupt our very foundation. We ought not build around sin with a wall of "good stones" and think that will cause the infection to be stifled. You can not build a solid house on a tainted foundation. 

To me this looks like harboring "stones" of greed, lust, jealousy, pride, hate, and bitterness in the houses of our hearts and believing they won't contaminate the others around them. I assure you, a stone of kindness will quickly be squashed by even a pebble of jealousy. We must cast out these stones and tear down the house we've built with them. No house will stand with such sin in its walls. 

Now, as humans we may fall prey to these emotions from time to time, but we must not build with them. There is a difference between stumbling and accepting.  We may stumble, but we do not accept nor justify the sin. 

Ridding our lives of sin-infested stones is holiness. 

"Therefore this iniquity shall be to you like a breach in a high wall, bulging out and about to collapse, whose breaking comes suddenly, in an instant," (Isaiah 30:13).

Holiness principle four: God has appointed us to walk in purity and be separated from the ways of the world.

Chapter 18 begins the section of Leviticus that details holy living for God's people. These three chapters (18-20) focus on purity and living differently than the wicked people who had inhabited the land before them. Listed here are mostly examples of what they are not to do, and one command in particular stuck out to me. 

"...nor shall a garment made of two kinds of material come upon you," (Leviticus 19:19). I think this one entices me because it is so weird. I mean, what's the big deal? Well, the big deal is that it isn't about the fabric at all. The principle here is that we are to be pure; not mixed in with the world and its customs, but wholly as God designed us to be. You see, God is not offended by me if I wear a shirt that isn't 100% cotton, but He is displeased when I live my life partly in the culture of the world and partly in the culture He constituted. 

God desires us to walk in purity in all aspects, and He doesn't want our character nor our lives to be assimilated with the world. I believe this is so important because as Christians we can be deceived to think we must be "relevant" to get our message across. We think we must blend in with the culture so people will listen and hear the truth. Yet we misunderstand that the church is most effective when it is least like the culture (you can see that to be true all throughout church history). It is holiness- not as perfection, but as difference- that draws people in and causes them to question.  

We are not meant to look like the world- we were called as Christians to stand out. It is vital, both to God and to His message, to walk in this purity. We must not blend ourselves, in even the most insignificant ways, with the world. 

Do we? 

Do we avoid things such as drunkenness, sexual immorality, demoralizing music and shows, drugs, and idolatry, or do we engage in these things either unknowingly or to prove some sort of point that Christians can still be "cool?" I suppose we could debate about which of those are actually sinful, yet let us be in agreeance about one thing: none of them are life-giving nor do they set us apart from the world. 

It is holiness, by definition, to be set apart from the ways of the world.

"Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect," (Romans 12:2).

I could go on and on about what further instruction we could find in Leviticus, but the point is this: God is God, He is holy, we are to be holy as He is, and the law in the Old Testament is not disqualified from helping us be so. 

One last thing I would like to point out is that holiness is not about perfection. The definition of holiness is to be set apart for a specific purpose and regarded as sacred (which means to be reverently dedicated to a purpose). So really, it's not about being a great person or being a perfect witness for Christ. None of us can be that within our own power, anyway. We need the grace of God to change and be changed- no amount of holiness ever originates within ourselves. 

Holiness is about being set apart and being dedicated. Walking in holiness is about being so devoted to the Lord, that it becomes our joy to walk in His ways that will bring Him glory and delight. God doesn't ask us to be perfect- He knows we aren't and won't be! What He asks of us is to be holy, to be different, to walk in His ways and not our own. 

"Be holy for I am holy." We don't have to be perfect, friends. We just have to be different. 

Lastly, on top of all of this we must have humility. If we do not have humility, nothing else we do will matter to the Lord. We must walk in humble holiness, or all will be lost. After all, it's not our own strength that produces within us holiness, but the endless grace of God. 

"The greatest test of whether the holiness we profess to seek or to attain is truth and life will be whether it produces an increasing humility in us. In man, humility is the one thing needed to allow God’s holiness to dwell in him and shine through him. The chief mark of counterfeit holiness is lack of humility. The holiest will be the humblest." -Andrew Murray.  

What We Don't Want To Hear, Pt. 1

"Let's talk about Leviticus," said nobody in the 21st century, ever. Ok, that's not entirely true, because I myself have actually said those exact words a few times. Maybe I'm a little misguided. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Maybe, just maybe, I think Leviticus actually has something worthwhile to teach us.

But let's face it, Leviticus is probably on the list of top five books of the Bible no Christian wants to read. Based on the reactions I get from people when I talk about it, I'd even say it may just be number one. "It's boring, outdated, and flat-out weird," they'll say. Well, I will agree with them on two-out-of-three. 

I won't try to pretend Leviticus is the most riveting chunk of scripture you'll ever read, nor will I act as if there aren't a ton of strange commands written there. Though I don't agree that it's outdated, I understand why many people can think so. I once did, too. But in an age where Leviticus scriptures are thrown around by both Christians and non-Christians alike (one to support a point, and one to claim how ridiculous their point is), I'm going to say it once more: let's talk about Leviticus. 

As Christians, I understand it can be complicated to grasp the relationship between the law of the Old Testament and the law of grace. I don't fully understand it myself, but I think I've begun to. I think it is a natural response, as children of the latter law, to make a mental note of sorts that says the Old Testament books of law, such as Leviticus, have no relevancy or importance anymore. Yet in my studies and prayers through this book, I am continually overcome by the revelations and importance hidden in its pages. 

So how can we read this book (or at least tolerate the fact that it exists in the Bible) with a proper outlook? Is it possible to be aware of the commands listed and still be confident in the wisdom, grace, and love of God? I certainly think so, and I think an appropriate understanding of its relevancy or lack thereof is exactly where one needs to start. 

First things first, let me say that we are no longer slaves to the law. Once upon a time, God gave His people a host of laws which they were to live by, and they were to do so or face the consequences of His judgment. They were slaves to this law. We would've been, too, had it not been for Jesus who came to bring about a new way. 

In Paul's letter to the Romans, he put it this way:

“Likewise, my brothers, you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God ... now we are released from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit and not in the old way of the written code," (Romans 7:4,6).

"Sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under the law, but under grace," (Romans 6:14).

In Galatians he describes the law as a guardian that protected God's people until the time of faith. 

"So then the law has become our guardian unto Christ that we might be justified out of faith, but since faith has come, we are no longer under this guardian. For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus," (3:25-26). 

So the law is no longer our master. We do not live under the same list of laws which God's people once did. We mustn't fret when we, as bacon lovers, read that pigs are classified as unclean animals- such restrictions are not for us anymore. We must, however, keep in mind that Jesus Himself warned us, "Do not think that I have come to abolish the law of the prophets; I have not come to abolish, but to fulfill," (Matthew 5:17). We must remember that Jesus didn't do away with the law as if it were a mistake. He made a better way, but he didn't discount the old one. 

Though 21st century Christians no longer abide by the literal applications of the laws listed in Leviticus, there is a symbolism and principle within them that still stands. God gave us the law, and though we are no longer slaves to it, it can still instruct us in how to live. If we are wise, we will listen; but we'll get to that later. 

For now, remember this: we are no longer slaves to the old law. We now live under the law of grace. 

The second aspect I want to discuss is the idea of being holy. Throughout Leviticus, God instructs His people to be holy because He is holy. He says it as He gives instruction regarding clean and unclean animals, as He gives practical examples of the Ten Commandments, and again and again throughout this book known for its commands and stipulations. "For I am the Lord your God. Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be holy, for I am holy," Leviticus 11:44).

I don't know about you, but that one verse was so intimidating to me the first time I read it. It was simple enough- God is holy, and He wants us to be holy as He is- but you see, I'm not perfect. That verse suddenly brought to mind every wrong thing I've ever done and every rule I've ever broken, and I became overwhelmed feeling as though I must measure up to God, but assuredly never would. Such an impossible task is immensely daunting and discouraging. 

As Christians, we can fall into the trap of believing holiness is something for which we must work. We think we must do everything properly in order to please God, and if we mess up, we hang our head in shame because we once again missed the mark of holiness. Yet this mindset is so misguided, and we will surely fail to glean anything from reading the law if we are still bound to it. 

Remember, we are free from the law. That means we do not receive our holiness, justification, nor redemption from following it. 

Paul says, "Out of the works of the law no flesh shall be justified before Him," (Romans 3:20).

The way to be holy, to be justified and redeemed, is not through the law but through Christ. The truth is that by His grace, we have already been made holy. God already calls us holy. 

"Because of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and holiness and redemption," (1 Corinthians 1:30).

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession..." (1 Peter 2:9).

"For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being made holy." (Hebrews 10:14). 

We must remember that we are holy through Christ Jesus. He has redeemed us, justified us, and made us holy before the Lord. We are dressed in His righteousness- clothed in the holiness of the Holy One. We mustn't mistake this to mean that we are perfect human beings who can never fall short, for surely we know that we are all capable of sin. Indeed, we are still in the process of being transformed from glory to glory (see 2 Corinthians 3:18), but before God we are considered holy. 

In God's eyes, He sees in us and on us the holiness of Christ. That is the gift of grace, and nothing we do or don't do can take from us this gift Jesus came to give. 

We are considered holy before God, and we are free from the law. This is where we start.

I believe if we understood this wholeheartedly, it would open our eyes to what the book of the law has to teach us. We wouldn't be suffocated by all the rules we feel we must follow, nor overwhelmed by the pressure to measure up to God's level of holiness. We would be free to read the book and ask, "God, what are you saying to me in this? What do you have to say to us in the 21st century?"

And truth be told, we should ask these questions because, "All scripture is God-breathed and profitable for teaching, for conviction, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, fully equipped for every good work," (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

So if we are no longer under the law, do we use the book of the law in our lives today? What principles are there that still apply to us now? The answer is yes, and plenty. Check out my next post shortly, and I'll share more details of some revelations God has given me through Leviticus about who He is and who we are to be. 

Until then, saints.

God Over Coffee

"Let's chat on the front porch this morning," He said. "There is a nice breeze today."

I gladly took my place on the wooden, white rocking chair that overlooked the fields surrounding the house. As a light wind brushed my face, I watched the trees and wheat fields dance in front of me. The weather alone was enough to put me in a great mood all day. He knows me so well.

"Good morning," I smiled.

"I'm glad you're here," He said.

We sat and talked as good friends do, simply enjoying the presence of the other even in the moments of silence. My heart was overjoyed, as always, to be with Him.

"What is still on your mind?" He asks me; not out of curiosity but out of kindness, for surely He knows already. He never fails to give me an option.

"I can't stop thinking about John 8:31-32. If you abide in My word, you are truly My disciples; and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." 

"Yes," He says.

I laugh at His ambiguity. "Well," I say, "I always enjoy reading this verse, but right now I feel overwhelmed. Not in a bad way, of course. You know that. I just can't help but think of the first time you spoke to my heart with this verse."

"Ah yes, I remember that wonderful moment," He responds. "You already knew Me (as well as you could at that time) and you already believed in Me, but in that moment you realized I knew you. You realized I had a plan for you and that there was hope."

"Yes," He says wistfully, "I remember."

"Yes! Yes," I say as tears of joy begin to fill my eyes. "Yes, that was the moment I started to believe differently- when I truly found hope. That was the first time I believed there could be freedom, and I knew you would take me there."

"I gave you that verse as a gift, do you remember?" He questions.

"Of course! That's why it brought me such hope and faith. It wasn't just a good verse. It was your affirmation for my heart."

"Exactly. I knew your heart, you see, but you didn't know that then. You didn't know I am a warm, gentle Father who has been with you every step of your life- even in the hardships. You didn't know that there is abundant life in store for you as My child. You didn't know you were never alone in your fight for freedom; I have always been fighting with you and for you. I knew the desire of your heart was freedom, even before you uttered the words out loud. I wanted you to know that I knew you."

I can hardly respond through the tears as I reminisce about the journey I have been on. I think of how suffocated I was by bondage in my life two years ago. I hated myself and most other people, I was anorexic, I was controlling, I was angry, I was immoral, and I was so hurt by others that I closed off my heart to any and everyone. I was a cold and broken girl, and I wasn't sure I could ever truly be free from the habits, the hurts, and the lies that bound me.

All of this, and yet I went to church every Sunday. I loved God, but I didn't know much of His character or of His word. I didn't understand that when God said "you will be free indeed," that He meant "you will be free indeed."

Sometimes I'm not even sure how I ended up where I did, but the arrangements were made for me to attend a discipleship school in California at the start of 2014. I had no idea what to expect, but I remember telling myself, "If nothing else, I want to walk away from this with freedom." I didn't want to be the way I was anymore. I didn't want to hurt the ways I always had. I wanted to be free.

I think about the verse I received as a gift nearly as soon as I arrive to California, and I am overwhelmed merely by the events leading up to my journey. "You always knew," I say in awe.

"Of course I did," He says, "even when you didn't."

Oh, how faithful He has been to me.

"I am so amazed because ..."

I pause. I can hardly describe His greatness with words. He smiles as He waits for me to explain my thoughts further. He knows where I am going.

"I am amazed because it wasn't at all what I expected. I thought freedom would be found in a book or in an equation. I thought it would take science and facts and maybe even a program of some sort to fix me. It didn't take any of that. I didn't need the truth of facts or information," I say with built excitement.

He waits once more.

"Freedom was found in a person!" I exclaim. "He is the truth, and He has set me free!"

"Yes, My child, truth is not an ambiguous concept. Truth is a person. Truth is My Son. He alone will set you free."

"And because He is the word like it says in John 1, this verse is more about knowing Him than knowing about Him. Then that relationship is what brings such freedom, right?!"

He smiles at me. I can tell He enjoys watching my brain try to comprehend His goodness.

"I knew plenty about you before, but I didn't really know you. I didn't know your love like I do now."

"I wanted to change that," He says. "I invited you two years ago on an extraordinary adventure with the One who loves you most. I wanted to introduce you to an abundant life of love and freedom and joy. I was thrilled when you accepted."

"I had no idea what I was in for, but I am so thankful. You have been so faithful to me. Most of the time I wasn't even seeking out freedom- I was lost in the beauty of who you are. Yet when I sought you, I was free. As I seek you now, I am even more so."

"You need not seek anything apart from Me. I am freedom. I am truth. I am life and joy and peace. When you seek Me, you will find these things. I am more than you can ever imagine, and I am ecstatic about the rest of our journey together."

"There is more?!" I ask excitedly. "I mean, I know there's more, but what I've experienced with you these last two years would've been enough for me forever."

"In Me are treasures and joy you know yet nothing of in comparison. I have much life for you- abundant life- and if you come with me, you will truly experience it."

"Always, Lord."

"Always is what I've got planned," He said.




"You will make known to me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures forever." Psalm 16:11

My Calling is to Abide

“Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:4-5

For years now I have been convinced that my call in life is to be a missionary. My love for different languages and countries stems back to my childhood, and as I look at my life, my passions, and my desires, I believe God created me for such a purpose. It all seems to fit perfectly together. It even sounds right: missionary Mary. My future was set as far as I was concerned- I was going to be a missionary. Yet these past few weeks as my school traveled throughout Mexico to spread the good news of the gospel, I was blindsided by the truth of my calling, and it wasn’t the truth I was expecting.

You see, in my head I imagined my trip to Mexico going much differently than it had. It wasn’t because of the people or even what we did while we were there, but because of the situation of my heart. I presumed that I would come alive on the mission field as I had the previous year in the Dominican Republic. (Oh, how my heart had soared on that trip)! This was, after all, what I wanted to do with my life. Surely I would excel, right?

Wrong. Well, sort of.

When my team woke up our first day in Mexico, I felt as if I had been hit in the face with lethargy, indifference, and selfishness. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to pray for people. I didn’t want to serve, to love, to minister. It was day one and I felt like I had nothing to give. What was happening in my heart? I was entirely apathetic, and it destroyed me inside. Isn’t this where I want to be in life? Why don’t I care now that I’m here? How can I be a missionary if I feel this way?

My doubts turned into a fierce determination to prove that I had what it takes. I didn’t understand why I was apathetic, but I didn’t care. I was going to prove that I could be a missionary. I wasn’t going to let a bad day stop me from doing what I was born to do. I was made for this, remember?

Ironically (or not so ironically), I didn’t have just one bad day. Day two, day three, day four came and went, and I was nothing but lethargic. Very little of me cared, and after four days of striving to prove I had what it takes to be a missionary, I was exhausted. I now felt like I truly had nothing to give. I was at the end of myself, and I had no idea how I was going to survive the rest of the trip- we weren’t even halfway through. I didn’t know what to do; I felt like all that was within me was dry and shriveled. I had nothing to give.

I cried out to God all I knew to say. “Lord, I need you!” He smirked at me and replied, “Yes. Yes, you do.”

I felt defeated. I felt so incapable. “I can’t be a missionary, God. I don’t have it in me. I can’t do this.”

“No,” He said, “you can’t.”

Wait, what? That was not the response I expected at all. Wasn’t He supposed to encourage me and tell me I could do this?

“You can’t do this,” He said again. “You don’t have it in you to live a lifestyle of love and serving and ministering to others. That is precisely the point. You can’t do this without Me. You need Me. Whether I’ve called you and crafted you to be a missionary or not, you need Me. You can’t do this in your own strength.”

I understood this simple truth, that I need Jesus, on a much deeper level that morning. Those first four days I saw who I was without Him: selfish, uncompassionate, loveless, lethargic, exhausted, and incapable. It was not a pretty picture. Yet I saw who I am and all I was able to do in my own strength, and I assure you it was not much. Though I was going through the motions, my heart was empty. My motives were selfish. There was nothing lovely about it.

I was incredibly humbled that day. I realized, in a fresh way, how it is not in my strength at all. It will not be my strength that will make me a missionary (or an effective one). No, it is always, only, entirely the Lord.

“This is the word of the Lord to [Mary]: Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord of hosts.” Zechariah 4:6

This truth seems so basic, and many of us will openly say it with ease, yet how little we understand this. We are in desperate need of the Lord, and sometimes He must bring us to the end of ourselves so we may recognize this. Do we truly believe that apart from Him we can do nothing? Until we do, I am confident that whatever we achieve will be very little, and it will surely perish. We must come to a point where we believe that goodness does not originate within ourselves but with the Lord. If we still think we are good without Him, we will never be convinced we wholly need Him.

The minute we believe we have our own strength, we won’t depend on the One who is strong.

It is amazing, really, how Jesus knows exactly what needs to be done. He knows the independence and pride that still lives in my heart, and He took me on a journey of humility in order to combat it. In His gentleness and loving-kindness, God is taking me from the end of myself to where I am at the beginning of Him; Him and me. Not me, but Him with me- Him through me.

As I meditate on this truth and think of all the times loved ones have told me I have “become more patient” or have “become less angry,” I wonder if I actually have at all. I wonder not because I don’t believe it’s true, but because I ponder what I could have possibly done to become such. I don’t think I have done anything. I have simply stepped aside. The truth is that the Spirit living inside of me is patient; He is not angry. He loves with abandon, and He is strong. Once again, it is not me. I thank God for this, because I know in myself I can’t be those things.

I once heard it said the beginning of finding purpose in life is realizing it’s not about you. I never understood this like I do today. Thank God it is not about us in our own strength- He knows that would not get us very far.  

“John answered and said, A man cannot receive anything unless it has been given to him from heaven … He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:27,30.

Oh, by the way, I am still confident that I am called to be a missionary, though not because I’m all that great. It is only because the One who lives in me is great. His goodness is much more assuring than my own, anyway. 

Be Loved, Beloved.

“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider being equal with God a treasure to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave, becoming in the likeness of men, and being found in fashion as a man, He humbled Himself, becoming obedient even unto death, and that the death of a cross.” Philippians 2:5-8

Be like Jesus. That’s pretty simple, right?

It sure sounds simple- it’s only three words. Paul certainly makes it sound painless. “Let this mind be in you.” To “let” something be doesn’t sound all that complicated.

Yet it is, isn’t it?

But why? I keep asking myself this question. Why is walking in humility as Jesus did so difficult? Why was Jesus able to lay down everything in obedience? Why are we so incapable of doing the same, living in pride rather than humility?

Maybe I’m a bit misguided, but I think pride and false humility are huge stumbling blocks in the lives of American Christians. We can’t seem to get over it. Either we’re fighting to prove our abilities and why we’re better than everyone else (pride), or we’re convinced we don’t matter one bit and everyone else deserves to be treated better than we are (false humility). The American church is experiencing an epidemic of over-inflated or severely under-inflated egos.

In this area, we often don’t look much different than the world.

Yet here we see Jesus, the One we desire to resemble, who is God. He is all-powerful. He is all-knowing. He is infinite, complex, and grandiose. He is mighty in every way, and He willingly lays it all down to become a man. In obedience to the Father, He lays down His very nature. How quick are we to do the same?

How quickly will we remain quiet even if we have the answer? How often will we let another complete a task we could do better? How willingly will we serve those we believe should be serving us? When do we lay down what is natural for us- strategy, intelligence, work, creativity, speech, etc. - and allow the spotlight to be given to another? If anything, we look for opportunities to show others we are these things.

Jesus didn’t do that.

Once again I ask myself, “Why not?” What did Jesus have that we didn’t? What did He know that we don’t? Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not satisfied by answering, “Well, He’s God. That’s why.” No, no. I can’t accept that’s why.

So, you want to know what I think? I think Jesus knew something we don’t. Scratch that. I know Jesus knew something we don’t.

Jesus knew who He was; He was confident in who He was to the One who mattered most.

Jesus didn’t have to fight for His identity- He was secure in it already. He didn’t have to be the one on center stage to assure Himself that He was capable or valuable. Jesus didn’t have anything to prove, and I believe it was from this foundation He was able to lay Himself down. I am convinced we could live in the same way if we only knew who we are.

I believe when we know who we are and what we are worth, we are free to humbly empty ourselves rather than scrap for identity and value. When we live from a place of knowing our true worth, we are able to serve because we know it doesn’t mean we are less worthy; it just means the one we serve also has value.  In this place we are able to shine the spotlight on others because we know it doesn’t mean we don’t have talents; we are free to acknowledge the gifts of others. In this place we are eager to lay ourselves down so another may stand; we can know we are capable, yet give others room to soar.

When we know who we are we live differently, and I believe this was one of Jesus’ secrets in humility.

So how do we become humble people? We learn, recognize, and accept that we are beloved children of God. We are unique. We are a masterpiece. We are cherished. Not only this, but we are important. We are delightful to our Father. We are loved.

If we can live in this place, I truly believe we can begin to walk in humility. Not only because we will no longer have anything to prove for ourselves, but because we will begin to see others as the beloved, and it will feel like a pleasure to serve those whom God so dearly loves.

Live in this place, beloved. This is who you are.

“For through Him we both have access through one spirit unto the Father. Therefore we are no longer strangers and sojourners but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God.” Ephesians 2:18-19

“You have not received a spirit of slavery bringing you into fear once again, but you have received a spirit of sonship in which we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself witnesses to our spirit that we are children of God. And if children, heirs also. On the one hand, heirs of God. On the other hand, heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him that we may also be glorified with Him.” Romans 8:15-17

“As my Father has loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.” John 15:9

 “For it was You who formed my inward parts; You wove me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; You works are wonderful, and my soul knows it well.” Psalm 139:13-14

“He has predestined us unto sonship through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will.” Ephesians 1:5

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! That is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God …” 1 John 3:1-2a