My Body's Beauty

“I don’t like the way I look,” says 97 percent of the female population.

I know this feeling all too well, and I know I’m not alone. I have struggled with body image issues for years, and in those years I have realized that most other women do, too. I have spent the last two years ensnared and trapped by these struggles, and the last six months trying to fight them off.

Let me tell you, it is no easy task trying to fight against something that is so deeply ingrained, something so seemingly normal, something so constantly occurring in your heart.

It had become abnormal for me to look into the mirror and not be disappointed or disgusted by what I saw. This was wrong, but this was my heart.

I think of the scene in ‘Mean Girls’ as they stand in front of the mirror criticizing different parts of their bodies. Cady thinks, “I used to think there was just skinny and fat. I had no idea so many different things could be wrong with your body.” It’s a movie, yes, but it is so close to reality.

You could pinpoint any spot on a woman’s body, and chances are she could tell you a number of ways in which its imperfections keep her from being beautiful. 

My nose just isn’t right; it’s too big on my face. My hips are too wide. My legs aren’t curvy enough. My shoulders are too broad. My eyebrows are so flawed. My eyes are too far apart. My stomach is too flabby. My butt is too flat. My feet are ugly. My ears are humongous. My (fingernails, toes, lips, eyelashes, hair, teeth, dimples, chest, fill in the blank) is wrong; it’s all just ugly and wrong.

I was at this point when God invited me on a trip; the trip to discover truth about the beauty that my body possesses. This journey consisted of three main stops: learning the truth, believing the truth, and allowing this truth to be enough.

For me, learning and believing seemed impossible. I was convinced that they had to be done together, while also thinking that the learning had to precede the believing. Have you ever tried to learn about something that you absolutely don’t believe? It’s hard! If you’re skeptical the whole time, how much will you really intake and digest what you are trying to learn? This was me, and I felt no hope that I would ever be able to learn or believe.

Part of the problem is that I was spending too much time telling myself what I wasn’t, instead of telling myself what I was.

The other day as I was looking at myself (and by looking I mean criticizing) in the mirror, God stopped me where I was. He grabbed my attention and said,

“When you use your eyes to see instead of critique, the world becomes a more beautiful place. Your body becomes the beautiful masterpiece it was created to be; a piece of my artwork to be admired, not criticized. Use your eyes to see.”

I was spending my time focused on the society-based imperfections of my body instead of the beautiful creation that it was.

I saw in my stomach weight that I wanted to lose, instead of the miraculous power it had of creating a beautiful baby someday.

I saw in my shoulders a lack of slenderness, instead of the strength they had in helping to carry other’s burdens.

I saw in my legs constant disappointment, instead of the healthy and trustworthy partners I had that allowed me to enjoy running as I do.

I couldn't look beyond my self-diagnosed imperfections to see that my body is amazing.

It was incredible for me to look in the mirror and see something beautiful instead of something I wanted to change. Unfortunately, this was quickly suffocated away by critical thoughts of my body. Though I was learning and beginning to believe this truth, I needed it to be enough. I was in a place where I was saying, “Yeah that truth is nice, but I still want this image of beauty.” I had moments where God’s words would satisfy me, but most other times it never fully did. I didn’t understand, and I didn’t know how to change.

Was I supposed to just forget everything I ever desired my body to be? Was I supposed to ignore the way I looked and pretend that my body image never mattered? How was I ever supposed to quiet the voice that told me I still wasn’t just right?

Looking back on the moments wherein God’s truth truly did satisfy my heart, I found my answer.

When the truth of God’s words isn’t enough, it’s because I am placing more importance and authority on someone or something else. When God is legitimately the most important thing in my life, my physical appearance doesn’t matter. When God is first, I can see.

When I find myself so in love with God that He is my heart’s deepest desire, I find myself loving my body, his beautiful creation, too.

We are still on the trip together to fully heal my heart, but I am learning, and I know I am moving forward. I am on a journey traveling forward with God; one that allows my weak heart to make pit stops. Sometimes I have to stop at station one, wherein I have forgotten the truth I have learned and need to hear it again. Other days, I have to stop at station three because I have allowed God to fall from the first love in my life, and I must refocus my eyes and heart on Him. None of the stops are a sign that I have begun moving backward, but they are necessary stops to make along the way so that I may reach my end destination.

I may never fully reach it, but I have hope knowing that I am continually moving forward (and that God doesn’t mind driving every once in awhile when I am exhausted).

For years as I struggled with my body, my primary focus and desire was to make myself more beautiful. Strangely enough, God is doing just that for me. He is making me into a more beautiful person each day, but not by changing my appearance as I would have done. He is merely opening my eyes to the beauty that has always been there, the beauty that He created. 

Our Desire to Fix

Naturally in life we want to fix. A lot of men will say that this is a “man thing,” and a lot of women will say it is a “woman thing.” Personally, I think it’s just a human thing. We want to fix things. People, objects, situations, it doesn’t matter. Whatever kind of brokenness it may be, we purposefully strive to mend it.

As far as broken people are concerned, I don’t mean fixing each other in a way that says, “You suck, let me fix you.” I mean it in a way that says, “You’re hurt, let me fix it.” So maybe ‘help’ is a more accurate verb to use, but I think you get the idea. We naturally like to patch and restore the pains of others. I think that this is especially true when referring to ourselves and our own brokenness, but also with those that are close to our hearts.

I could easily recite a number of times when I attempted to mend my own broken heart. I used to think (and occasionally still do) that I knew how best to go about bettering a situation. I was convinced that I was smart enough, strong enough, and capable enough to fix the wrongs in my life and my heart on my own. However, I began learning that some hurts are beyond my realm of possibility. There are wrongs I can’t right, acts I can’t forgive, and lies I can’t see through. There are so many things in my life that I can’t fix.

Only God can fix these, and once you realize that God is the only one who can fully fix them, you will know exactly where to take your pain.

Let me tell you, it is an amazing feeling when you can begin to confidently bring the broken pieces of yourself to God and trust that He will help put you back together. Not only do you not have to carry them alone, but you are seeking help from the King who has overcome all; the One who so strongly desires the opportunity to pick up those pieces. Nowhere else will you find the kind of healing and rest that you will find with God. Not only does He have the power to radically transform and restore your heart, but He willingly and longingly wants to do so. 

This is so awesome! I think this is an incredible picture of God’s strength and love for us. Astonishingly enough, I am already able to look back at my life and see areas that God alone has healed. The restoration that He can bring into our lives is beyond amazing. I am continually in awe of God’s power to loosen my grip and make new my heart when I am fully convinced that, “I can’t let it go; I can’t forget.” God’s strength of healing in our lives is utterly marvelous. While this kind of repair is amazing as it happens in my life, I think that this power is at its most beautiful as it happens in other’s lives. Let me explain:

Recently I had a close friend share with me a deeply personal story about hurt they had experienced in the past. As they shared with me, my heart broke for them and I was literally left speechless. It took some time for my heart and mind to stop racing, but once they did, my first gut reaction was, “I want to fix this.” It was a very irrational thought, but it was natural. I saw wrong and I wanted to make it right.

Even later as I prayed about it, I had no words. (I’m not sure if prayers are ever awkward for God, but if that’s possible, then this was totally was). I didn’t know what I was feeling, what I was thinking, or what I wanted. All I knew was that I needed to go to God with it all. In the midst of the potentially awkward prayer between God and me, I remembered the obvious:

I myself couldn’t do anything. Nothing. I couldn’t change it, I couldn’t erase it, and I couldn’t fix it.

My second gut reaction (the first being my desire to fix it) was to become distressed. Naturally, I should be troubled by the fact that I can’t amend such a scarring in a life that I care for so deeply. Strangely, I was unbelievably calm. Somehow I was brought an incredible peace by realizing that I could do nothing, and remembering the One who could do everything.

In that moment, I was immensely grateful. I have never in my life been more thankful that I have a God who heals. In fact, those were the only words that I DID say. “God … you heal. Thank you God that you heal!”

It was in that instant that I truly saw the beauty of God’s love and power. I have felt the gratitude in my own life when my heart was mended and cared for by my King, but it was an entirely different level of admiration in that moment. I don’t even know that I can do justice in explaining it, because saying that I was in awe is an understatement; saying that I was grateful is an understatement. No words can accurately describe what I was feeling, but I felt whatever I did because of the truth that God does heal. I saw the brokenness in a life that I loved, and I was overwhelmed by the peace and assurance that came with knowing that God has been, continues to, and will be working to bring healing into that life.

It’s an amazing feeling when you can begin to confidently bring the broken pieces of yourself to God and trust that He will help you put them back together, but it is even more amazing when you can trust God with the healing of another; of someone close to your heart. And the truth is, you can trust Him with it, because He does heal.  

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5.

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them.” Psalm 107:19-20.

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4.

It was comforting to be reminded that my God does heal. I was reminded that no matter how much I love my friend, God loves them more. No matter how much I desire to fix, heal, and help them, God desires it more. God wants us to be whole and healed, and He has the most power and strength to accomplish both.

God gives me hope. He gives it, not only in my own life, but in the lives of those I love. Although I know that I am not capable of healing everyone from all of the hurt they have experienced or will experience in this world, I have a strong hope that God can. I don’t have the ability or the knowledge necessary to take away the pain, but God does. Ultimately, I can do very little more than just be there for a friend, but I can rest easy knowing that God’s power of healing can do more for their heart than anything I ever could.

The truth that God heals in my life is awesome. The truth that God heals in all lives, especially in the ones that I love most, is amazing, hopeful, comforting, peaceful, incredible, and beautiful. I can find no better comfort than knowing that those I love are made whole once again in God’s loving arms.

Once Doesn't Cut It

I think I have a bit of an "independence" problem. Part of the problem is that I don't actually see my independence as a problem.

Here’s what I mean: I like the satisfaction of accomplishing something on my own. I like being recognized as a strong individual. I’ve always had this notion that dependence and weakness were synonymous; that the strong don’t need guidance or assistance. Since dependence was weakness, independence was strength. This made it inconceivable for me and my pride to ever ask for help or to follow direction that was not my own.

Recently I had convinced myself that this was a past problem. It was something that I had overcome. I would remind myself of the times that I had stepped out in faith and followed God’s direction over my own. “There was this one time …” I’d say. I was under the impression that because I had followed His direction in the past that I had “recovered” and overcome my prideful mindset.

Nine months ago (actually, nine months ago to this very day) I took the biggest step of faith that I ever have. In fact, it was not only the biggest step, but it was the hardest. That experience deserves an entire blog in and of itself, but that may be for a later time and date. My point is, it was a HUGE decision.

Huge almost doesn’t do it justice. I made a decision that was going to change the rest of my life and cause my world to do a complete 180. It was a choice that led me down a path I could barely conceive; a path that contained things of which I had no clue. I had continually prayed, desperate to receive a different answer from God, the answer I wanted, but He continually pointed me down a different road. I was terrified, I was hurt, and I was angry, but I made the choice to trust God and I took the leap of faith. In retrospect, that was one of the best decisions I had ever made and in trusting God with my life in that choice, it brought me closer to Him than I could have imagined. I trusted, and He was faithful.

I have to admit, I was a little proud of myself for it. I was overjoyed that I so deeply trusted God and followed His direction. “I am so obedient!” I thought. I believed that I had overcome my pride and my unwillingness to take direction from someone other than myself. I had obviously overcome it in that moment, but here’s the thing: God is continually leading me. There is a constant tug when I begin to stray from the path on which He is guiding me. That single act of trust and dependence was great, yes, but there will be more to come. While that specific act of obedience will probably be one of the most painful and difficult, it won’t be the only time when obedience to God’s word and guidance is necessary. There will be a handful of times in the future when I will once again have to trust what God says over what I say, and there have been a number of instances since then.

I do believe that God was deeply delighted with me and my willingness to follow Him in that moment, but I don’t believe that that moment defines my obedience as a whole. Just as a single act of disobedience doesn’t make me a disobedient child, neither does a single act of obedience make me an obedient one. Obedience is continual, just as is God’s direction.

I’ve been holding on to that moment and telling myself that I am excelling in obeying what God says. “Look, I am obedient because I did that. See? That’s obedience.” Sure, that was obedience, there is no denying that, but that doesn’t make me an obedient person as a whole. I don’t want to discredit or cheapen the difficulty of the situation, but I can’t hold on to it forever. That one decision doesn’t make a life of obedience. 

It’s a start, but it’s not an end. I can’t forever say that I am obedient because of a single decision to obey. Opportunities arise on a daily basis wherein I must choose my own direction or God’s, opportunities to choose whether or not to heed and accede. (I didn’t mean for that to rhyme, but since it did I left it that way).  

This all came up about a week ago when I became a bit argumentative with God when He wasn’t answering me in my prayer like I wanted Him to. (Pointer: Arguing with God usually doesn't result in a victory on your end). 

“God, you know what? Forget it. I don’t like that answer and I’m tired of praying about it if you’re just going to keep telling me the same thing. That’s not what I want to hear.”   

“Do you remember the last time you said that?”

“Touche. Ok God, I remember, but that was different. Besides, I’m already obedient because I listened to you then. I don’t need to do this now, too.”

“Yes, you did, and I am so proud of you for that moment. You were so strong and you allowed your love for me to overpower all and help you let go of other worldly things. But now I am asking you to put your trust in me again. I know that it is frightening, but I have proven to you that I am faithful. Your past obedience is not forgotten, nor will it ever be irrelevant or unimportant, but this circumstance calls for your trust and submission to my will once again. Obedience isn’t a one-time decision; it is a way of life.”

God doesn’t desire that I be willing to trust His provision just once or twice in my life. He is proud and rejoices of those times, but He wants me to live a lifestyle of obedience. He wants me to continually trust that He knows what is best for me and that He will never lead me astray. Continually trust, not trust once. A lifestyle of obedience is made up of repeated acts of submission and trust, not one.

(Think of it this way: If you were married, you wouldn’t want your spouse to pronounce their love to you just once. You would want them to perpetually show you how much they love and care for you. Acts of love in the past are great memories to hold on to, but feelings can change, making it comforting to be reminded continually that the love still exists).

When God instructs us to obey His commands (John 14:15, 21, 23), it infers that it will be continuous. “Commands” is plural, just as our acts of submission in an obedient lifestyle ought to be.

My submission 9 months ago was a great step of faith, but it is in the past. More opportunities to show my faith and obedience will continue to arise, requiring me to trust in Him once more. I know that there will be times when my pride will tell me that submission is weak and that I myself know the right steps to take, but in those moments I have the opportunity to once again show God that I trust in Him, and I believe that His plans for me are better than anything I could conjure.

Obedience is a lifestyle, a continual conscious action. Though it is made up of individual decisions and steps of faith, it can’t be defined by a single moment. Obedience is continual, just as is God’s direction.

“I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes. I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.” Psalm 119:59-60.

An Unplanned Plan

I am a big, big, BIG planner. I like to plan things, and I have just about everything planned. I think that both my incessant need to be organized and my OCD tendencies play a role in this. I plan more than I ought/need to, but I can’t help myself. I plan my weeks, my days, my mornings, my runs, my meals, and this, and that, and those. It’s ridiculous, really, but I do it.

Last summer I began getting to know God a bit better. I started taking small steps to try and live my life in line with what he wanted for me. I quickly began to realize that planning my every moment wasn’t exactly how God wanted me to live. I was learning that God plans, not me, and the only plan I need to have is this: to follow his guidance, ultimately following HIS plan.

You see, I used to have my future completely mapped out. I knew exactly when I was going to finish school, exactly what I was going to do afterward, and exactly where I was going to live; I knew every step I was going to take and I allowed no room for any adjustments. My plans seemed perfectly set, and I was happy with the map I had laid out for myself, but God had a different plan. He had a different idea of where he wanted me.

As I began taking steps with God last summer, I also began to let go of some of my plans. God took my hand and guided me on a path that I had never even seen. My life a year ago is almost unrecognizable to me now.  God changed my heart and my life, but he also changed the outline of my life I had written.

God scrapped nearly all of my previously thought-out, mapped out, meticulously planned out future, and the only piece of guidance he has given me so far is this: follow me.

Honestly, there have been times that I have absolutely no idea what to do with that. I mean, I’d like a little insight into where I’m headed.

“Sure God, I’ll follow you, but could you tell me where I’m going?”

Imagine yourself driving a car. You’ve got a passenger in the front seat that is taking you to a certain destination, but they have yet to tell you where. They are completely reliable, but they refuse to tell you where you are headed, and sometimes following their directions is tricky. You’re afraid you might not hear them as they whisper, or you might not see them when they gesture where to turn. If they would only tell you where you are going then you could ensure that you will arrive there, but they won’t say.  

This has been my situation for almost a year, and it’s scary! God scrapped my plans for my life, and he has yet to disclose his plans. I feel as if I am blindly walking, idling, coasting my way through life without a destination. I don’t know if I am even on a path. If I am, I don’t know that it’s the right one, nor where it will lead. It’s frightening and it’s stressful. It’s discouraging when people ask me what I am going to do after school and I say, “I don’t know. God hasn’t told me yet.” I am a planner without a plan.

But God has indeed brought me comfort in a number of ways, and he has given me renewed confidence in my blind walk.

First, I have been assured that my steps are guided and my future is planned by God, my ever-loving Father, and I can entrust my life into his hands.

“I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I have the high and mighty king planning my future and guiding my steps. How can I possibly be uncertain or afraid of where I am going if God has promised to take me and guide me there?

Second, I have been reminded that my purpose is to glorify my God. Sometimes it’s easy to feel as if I have no purpose because I have no direction or destination, but I’ve learned that is never true. Regardless of the career, house, or relationship where I find myself in the future, my purpose is to glorify the king.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31.

I don’t need to know where I am walking to know that I am walking in such a way that gives glory to God. I can praise and worship him in my steps, even if I don’t know exactly where my steps will lead me.

Third, I realized that God doesn’t want me to go crazy trying to plan my future. He wants me to live in the present; to live one day at a time. He instructs me to live in each day, taking on only the worries, troubles, and challenges of that day alone.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. James 4:13-14

As a planner, I struggle without a map, but I’ve learned that I don’t need to have every last detail of my future planned out. No, I don’t know have any idea what God wants me to do. I know my passions and my gifts, but I am clueless as to what He wants me to do with them. No, I don’t have any idea about my future career. I know the category of my education, but I don’t know which specific job that will bring me. No, I don’t have any idea where my footsteps are taking me, but I don’t need to know. Instead, I can walk each day at a time.

I know that each day I should, I can, and I will strive to glorify God. Each day I can walk in His grace and His love. Each day I can take steps to grow spiritually. Each day I can do the things I love, and love others along the way. I don’t know exactly where God is taking me, but I find great comfort in knowing that he is the one taking me there. With God as my guide, I don’t need to fear my unplanned future.

Some days I still become frustrated that I don’t know my destination, but I can also try to understand why I might not know. If the passenger in the car told me where we were to arrive, I would probably redirect and take my own route to get there. While my guide knows the upcoming traffic, the safest paths, and the smoothest rides, I would think that I knew better. I could easily make a wrong turn, hit traffic, or choose the bumpiest road. And maybe that’s not the reasoning behind the hidden destination, but it is teaching me regardless to trust in God and His guidance.

I’ve come to accept that I don’t need to know the specifics of my destination. I don’t need to know the details. What I do know is enough. I know that I have a purpose. I know that I have a destination and direction. I know that God has a plan. God sees where I am going and where he wants me to be. God knows the routes and the directions and God guides my steps. God is my GPS, my guide, and my planner.

I still plan days, mornings, runs, and things that probably don’t need planning, but I am done meticulously planning my future. I am still tempted to fear it or to pull out a notebook and start writing myself a map, but I don’t need to, and it would only take time away from the life I could be living today. Instead, my plan is to not plan. My only plan should be to follow and trust him each day, living one day at a time.

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

What My Headaches Have Taught Me

I suffer from migraines on a day to day basis. Well, I get headaches every day. Luckily, I only have migraines about once every 7-10 days.

I’ve been in this situation since I was about 4 years old. My mom would tell me that I was constantly coming to her as a child to say, “Mommy, my head hurts.” It’s been a long-standing condition that has seen many doctors, taken a number of medical scans, kept “headache journals,” been on many different diets, and tried just about everything in and out of the book to fix them. Clearly, they haven’t been fixed.

Recently I was put on a new medicine that was thought to finally be the solution to my condition. I tried it out for months hoping that it would decrease the number or severity of my headaches, but to no avail. Honestly, I think it may have even made my migraines worse. Here’s why: I was constantly thinking about them. 


Whenever I took my medicine, I thought about them. Throughout the day, I thought about them. At the end of the night, I thought about them, contemplating whether or not the medicine had had any effect that day. I was constantly thinking about and aware of my pain.

Because I’ve had, give or take, 5,000 headaches in my lifetime, you could say that I’ve become accustomed to them. Yeah they’re still painful and unpleasant, but my tolerance has increased and I’ve gained the ability to live life in the midst of them. When I run into trouble, however, is when I think about them.

It may seem silly, but it’s true. I don’t really know that I can explain it, but because migraines have become so common and so seemingly natural to me, I can oftentimes forget about the pain. (Now obviously there are extremely debilitating aches that won’t let me think, walk, function, or pretty much do anything other than sleep, but luckily those don’t haunt me daily).

Anyways, back to the point … forgetting about my pain. It doesn’t always work, but sometimes I am able to forget the pain of the headache if I stop thinking about it. You know, it’s like when a mom distracts her child after falling from her bike and shifts her attention to something other than the gash on her knee. The child doesn't acknowledge the pain long enough that the mother is able to nurse her to recovery. It’s similar to that. I just go throughout my day thinking about anything and everything else other than my headaches, and sometimes I can forget that they’re there. (If only this worked every day!).

Moral of the story is this: when I focus on my pain, I feel it, sometimes worse than before. It becomes more real, more prevalent, and more painful. When I focus my attention on something other than my pain, it lessens, and sometimes it’ll even “go away” for a little while.

Unfortunately with my headaches, I can’t trace back to the root of them. Doctors have tried to find the source, but we’ve never been able to track it down. I have discovered some of the triggers throughout the years (exercise, loud noises, a windy day, reading for too long, bright lights, car rides … actually, it’d probably be quicker just to list the things that don’t trigger them) but we have never found the true root source.

It's clear that I can’t discover the root of my headaches to then rid myself of them, and focusing on this only makes them worse.

Unfortunately I can't fix the pain in my head, but I do have the opportunity to deal with the pain in my heart. As my head does, my heart hurts in a number of ways in a number of magnitudes, and there is a host of triggers. 

But, unlike my headaches, I can attack my roots and my pain. God gives me weapons to fight as to not allow them free reign on my heart. God teaches me lessons from the wounds of past mistakes. God gives me the strength to forgive the hurt from my enemies. God uncovers the cutting lies I’ve been fed and gives me truth to re-teach my heart. All of this allows me to work with God and heal the pain in my heart and in my life.

Focusing enough to move past the hurt is one thing, but thinking about it, dwelling on it, is another.

Although the pain in my head differs from that in my heart, one aspect remains the same: don’t focus on it. When I focus on the pain, it gets hard to see past it. It gets hard to ignore, hard to live life, hard to move forward.

If I do nothing more than focus on my pain, what else am I going to feel?

Don’t focus on the bumps and bruises in your life. Instead, remove them from the forefront of your mind and move past them. Dwelling on your afflictions is blinding. Sometimes it’s hard enough to see and hear the truth as it is; don’t make it any harder by choosing to focus on your pain. 

Beauty Just Because

“Because I said so.”

This had to be one of the most despised (and possibly overused) statements that we heard from our parents as a kid. It never failed to be the answer when we asked why we had to clean the backyard, why we had to eat vegetables with our dinner, or why we had to do the dishes. There was no explanation, just a quick, “because I said so.” This is frustrating, is it not?

(Quick disclaimer: My mom actually did not do this. If she is reading this and thinking I am unjustly portraying her child-raising techniques and abilities, I would like to clarify that this was never her response ... she would probably appreciate that clarification).

Anyways, back to the point. 

So parents can find this phrase totally acceptable when their purpose or authority is questioned, but it really doesn’t explain anything. The sole point of our asking was to gain a response that could logically explain the purpose of a demand; to understand the reasoning behind eating our vegetables or cleaning our room. If we are doing something that we don’t necessarily want to do, it would be helpful to understand the importance of doing such so we are able to happily complete the task.

There is no reasoning behind such a response! We like proof and logic. We like to rationalize and we like to be knowledgeable. “Because I said so,” allows us none of these things. It forces us to accept what is said without further questioning or doubt. Such a response should never be an acceptable answer to ones inquiries. And yet, I hear this from my Father constantly.

I feel like God says this to me all the time. He makes some pretty extraordinary claims in the bible about who I am, and I can’t say that I don’t question them pretty frequently. He tells me that I am His masterpiece, that I am a precious jewel, that I am His inheritance, and that I am wonderfully made. He says that I am a light in the darkness, that I am strong and bold, and that I am complete in Him.

Those are not small claims! He would say a number of great things about who I am, but I would find myself doubting their validity fairly often. I’d doubt and I’d question, and the only response I ever heard back was, “You are because I said so.”  

Oh, cool … great response. This frustrated me beyond belief! It didn’t prove anything. It didn’t clear up anything for me, and I was no closer to believing any of the things He was telling me because I didn’t have explanations. I didn’t have proof. All I had was, “because I said so,” and that wasn’t enough for me. I so deeply believed lies that I had been taught throughout my life that such a simple and vague response wouldn’t convince me that it was truth.

You know how, when you were a kid, you thought you knew everything and you were convinced that your parents knew nothing? My mom always used to tell me that one day I would realize that my parents weren’t as clueless as I thought they were. She would joke about how she used to think that she was so much smarter than her parents, too, but she one day recognized that they actually did know what they were talking about. Well, that moment does come. And when it comes, “because I said so,” makes a little more sense. Now, I’m not saying it becomes a valid response, but one can begin to understand the reasoning behind it.

Parents know best. And if they don’t know best, they know better than we do. Thus, by saying, “because I say so,” they are implying that they know more and understand better than we do. They mean to say that their judgment and instruction can be trusted because they intend to guide us to the best of their ability.

Our Father does the same.

When God responds with, “because I said so,” that should be the last word. There should be no hesitation or further questioning. Why? Because God’s word, and God’s every word, is truth. God knows me better than I know myself! Who am I to tell God that He is wrong?  

“No God, you’re mistaken, actually. I know you say that I'm a masterpiece and I'm precious, but I'm actually not. I am not strong, nor am I a light.”

Who am I to think that His truths apply to everyone else but me?

“Sure, God, you say that your love is unconditional, but I’m pretty sure you meant to say that your love for everyone else except me, everyone but Mary Bocks, is unconditional. I'm sure your love for me waivers every now and then.”

Who am I to question God’s truth? 

“God, I continually read these verses and I know what you say about who I am, but how am I supposed to believe it? I mean, I just don’t see how I can think the things that you say about me are true.”

The ways in which I continually question God’s judgment and His truth are absurd because ultimately, everything He tells me is true. It’s certain. There are no exceptions and no inaccuracies. What God tells me is always true. There is no better argument that He can make for the validity of His claims other than, “I said so.” That’s like, the ultimate trump card!

“Mary, you should believe it because I said it, and my word is truth. Need I say more?”

No. No, He need not say more.

Formerly I thought that God’s response to my inquisition was the furthest thing from an actual answer. It frustrated me when the only thing I heard back was, “It is true because I said so.” I could never see the obvious conclusion He was trying to help me reach: God’s word is truth. Therefore, if God says it, it must be true. It’s so simple that it’s almost embarrassing that I didn’t see it before! 

I heard this concept explained quite well by one of the men from my church. I do believe that the originality (or the irregularity) is what has made the explanation so memorable. Here is what he said:

“God is truth, and whatever God says is true. So, if God says you’re a pickle, you’re a pickle!”

I  don't know that I could have said it better myself.

Although the wholehearted belief of His truths about who I am may come a little later after time, prayer, and transformation, I have reminded myself that His word IS truth, that His truth DOES apply to me, and who God tells me I am, I am, because God said so.

I am a masterpiece. For we are God’s masterpiece. He created us anew in Christ Jesus, in order to do the good works that planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10.

I am important. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7.

I am marvelous. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, my soul knows that full well. Psalm 139:14

I am a precious treasure. “They will be my people,” says the Lord Almighty. “On the day
when I act in judgment, they will be my own special treasure.” Malachi 3:17

I am significant. The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 1 Corinthians 12:12, 27.

I am worth thought and time. How amazing are your thoughts concerning me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. Psalm 139:17-18.

I am deeply loved. I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge. Ephesians 3:17-19.

I am irreplaceable. On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. 1 Corinthians 12:23-24

I am righteous. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21.

I am chosen. Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12.

I am pleasing and delightful. The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17.

I am strong. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13.

I am exactly how God made me to be. But in fact God has placed the parts of the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 1 Corinthians 12:18.

Interpretation Confusion

I always find the idea of a “favorite bible verse” somewhat humorous- humorous in an ironic, impossible kind of way. Saying you have a favorite bible verse is like saying you have a favorite song. How could one possibly choose a favorite when there are so many good ones? And there are so many different types! You might have a favorite song to listen to when you are sad and lonely, when you’re warming up for a game, when you’re gearing up to go out for the night, when you’re happy and on top of the world, when the windows are rolled down in the summer, when … ok, you get the point. 
 

I feel like the same concept applies for bible verses. How could anyone possibly have a favorite? There are so many beautiful, uplifting, convicting, inspiring, and just downright incredible verses. Picking favorites is near impossible! And similarly to listening to a new hit song that instantly becomes your favorite, you may continue to find new verses that you’ve previously never read, nevertheless adding another after another to your list of “favorites.”

Well, despite the irony and the humor I find in implying that a verse is on a list of favorites (because they are all so good!), I am going to tell you about one of mine.

One of my favorite verses (<--- I giggled out loud as I typed that) is in the book of Galatians. It comes right after the verses listing the fruits of the Spirit. It says,

“Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Therefore, if we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.” Galatians 5:24-25.

The figurative language in this gives me the chills each time that I read it. Seriously, check it out. We have crucified our flesh. We have done away with its passions and desires. A few verses beforehand, Paul writes about the desires of the flesh: sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, hatred, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, envy, drunkenness. We have done away with all of these things! They are no longer a part of who we are.

[The fact that this verse says ‘crucified’ is part of what makes it so amazing to me. It doesn’t say we have ‘set aside’ or we have ‘forgotten about’ or we have ‘walked away from.’ Those are all great, too, but that implies that those passions and desires are still very present. They are still alive, still active, and still a part of your world. But saying that we have crucified them makes it sound so final, so dead, so powerful. They are crucified, and the only thing that rises again after a crucifixion is our Savior.]

Anyways, the verse strikes me as incredibly powerful, and a great reminder of how I ought to walk.

I got to thinking about it one day, and as I reread this verse while reading through Galatians, I found that the language that initially helped the verse earn a place on my ‘favorites’ list actually had me quite perplexed. I have crucified my flesh with its passions and desires, and yet I still fall prey to such. Continually I find myself giving in to the desires of my flesh. Have I not crucified them right? Does crucified not really symbolize and mean what I think it does? Does that mean I have to crucify them again? All sorts of potentially crazy questions like these arose in my mind. I thought that if the desires of my flesh were truly crucified, it wouldn’t make sense that they would continue to make me fall. If my sinful nature was no longer a part of who I was, then why was I still stumbling?  

What I found was that I was initially reading and interpreting the verse wrong. Rather than see only what was written on the page, I was reading more than what was there. In my mind it said,

Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires, meaning that there is no excuse for you to fall prey to them, seeing as how they are dead. Now, if we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. This means to walk in perfection, Mary. No mistakes.

I’d say that’s much less inspiring. Who knew that my mind was subconsciously botching the bible? I sure didn’t. I didn’t notice what I was doing because it made sense to me. It seemed logical: if something has been put to death, it no longer has the ability to trip me up and make me fall. I thought that I thoroughly enjoyed the verse because of the symbolism and figurative language, but that is exactly what I was failing to see in it.

I have crucified my flesh with its passions and desires, yes, but in a spiritual and symbolic manner. I haven’t crucified them in a way that makes them absent from my life or from my person, or in a way that makes me perfect, but in a way that makes them unable to make up my life and to define me. Saying that I have crucified my flesh means that those sins and desires are no longer a part of who I am. I have freed myself, not from their presence, but from being defined by them.

 

The desires and passions of the flesh (sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, hatred, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, envy, and drunkenness) will always be existent. Why? Because I’m human and I’m imperfect, and that will never change. They may always be existent in my life, but they will never tell who or what I am; they will never define me.   

Now I see that walking by the Spirit does not mean walking perfectly as a result of my flesh being put to death. Instead, I realize that walking by the Spirit is allowing the Spirit to guide my steps, rather than my flesh, and in doing so, I “will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh” (Gal. 5:16-17). 

I have realized that the verse is more about making a choice as a new and clean creation. If I live by the Spirit, which I do as a child of Christ, I should walk by the Spirit. That doesn’t mean perfectly. That doesn’t mean questioning my strength and the depth of my faith when I fall. It means choosing to follow the desires of the Spirit, and not the desires of my flesh. It’s realizing that this is a decision not made once, or even twice, but one that is made constantly. It’s a decision that I will have to make every day; every morning, every night, every hour, maybe even every minute. Walking is a constant action, thus requiring a constant decision to do so.

This verse isn’t telling me to walk perfectly as I previously had though it did, and God certainly isn’t expecting me to do so. Crucifying my flesh does not mean ridding myself of my imperfections, but rather making a decision to part with the desires of my flesh and to disassociate myself with that sin. It is making a decision of how and with whom I will walk. 

Maybe I’m still interpreting this verse wrong, but I like this interpretation much more than the perfectionist pressure of the first.