Many people say everything happens for a reason. I don’t
believe this one bit; that there is a reason, a purpose, for everything that
happens. I think there are reasons things happen (he yelled because he was angry, she tripped because she wasn't looking, etc.) but I
don’t believe these things happen for
a reason. Instead, I believe that sometimes things just happen- we make bad
choices, we make good choices, we are affected by both the good and bad choices
of others- but that God can always make good out of whatever choices we, or
others around us, make.
“And we know that all
things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called
according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
God can make good out of any situation we face, even the
most difficult ones. He will not let any of our suffering go to waste. Hold on
to that when trying times come- I have been.
… … … ...
A couple of weeks ago I seriously injured my knee. After
five days of walking on it hoping it would just “go away,” I conceded to visit
a walk-in clinic and the doctor ordered me to stay on crutches for 2-6 weeks.
For this independent, active, exercise-loving girl, that seemed like an
eternity. Though I was relieved to know I wouldn't need surgery, I was
discouraged by the length of time it could take to heal (not including the
recovery time it’ll take once I am off the crutches). Physically I was in pain,
but my heart was actually what hurt most.
I didn't care much about how terribly my knee felt, except
that it reminded me of what I couldn't do. I didn't wince because of a sudden,
sharp pain. I winced because in that moment I felt the sharpness of the
thought, “I can’t run anymore.” (I know that may sound a little dramatic, but
at 23 years old when you think you might be crippled in some fashion, I think it’s
justified). I could handle my physical discomfort, but I couldn't bare the
affliction of my soul. I couldn't run; I could barely walk. I definitely couldn't walk and talk because I had to think too hard about not tripping with
the crutches. I couldn't work. I couldn't do much of anything for myself
anymore, though that didn't stop me from trying. What could I do? Sit.
Oh and how I hate
sitting.
Sitting felt lazy. It felt boring. It felt exhausting.
Sitting felt like my worst nightmare. Maybe if I wasn't so prone to
over-thinking every single thing, it might not have been so bad. Still bad, no doubt, but not so bad. Because I do over-think, however, I had to fight
myself not to get stuck in the pit of “what ifs?” What if I can never run
again? What if it takes more than six
weeks to heal? What if I have this problem the rest of my life? What if…?
These questions viciously antagonized my mind, but the promise
of Romans 8:28 came to me and it was as if the “what ifs?” fell to the ground. And we know that all things work together
for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His
purpose. I was immediately encouraged and confident that God was in this
with me and He would use this situation for my good. Instead of continuing to
ask the “what if” questions, I simply asked, “what?” What did God want me to
learn? What would He work for good in my life? What could I do to make sure
this trial wasn't wasted? I was still asking questions, yes, but these were
full of hope and promise, not fear and dread.
It wasn't long before God answered me and told me of His
plans to work in my heart. Though I asked God for answers, I doubted what He
said when I received them and blew it off as a “nice idea, but probably one
that came from my own head.” It’s funny how quickly we can write off what God
is saying to us, but thankfully He displays His patience and mercy in
confirming and re-confirming what He told us, even when we doubt. So God made
sure I knew what He said the first time was what He meant, and He was always
creative about how it came up.
I couldn't deny any longer what God was saying, and I was
assured He was going to use this injury for my good. “Okay God,” I thought. “You've got two weeks. Go for it.” I’m sure He chuckled at the fact that I was trying
to give Him a timeline. He was on a mission, and He wasn't going to quit until
it was completed.
Time went by as I was on my crutches, and I had much great
conversation and revelation from God about a piece of my heart. As we talked,
however, in the back of my mind I was counting down the days until the two-week
mark, assuming I’d be free from the crutches by then. The day got closer, but
unfortunately my knee wasn't getting better. Many friends prayed with me,
asking that God would heal my knee, but no change ever came.
Though I wasn't healed on the spot, something happened each
time my friends and mentors prayed for me: my entire body felt the “no, not
right now,” of God’s response, but it also was filled with an overwhelming,
calming peace. Even though I was hearing a “no,” it was comforting just to know
He was there, He was listening, and He was with me in this- even if that didn't mean immediate healing.
Later on one night when I was alone I asked God straight up
if He was going to heal me. He said yes, but when I asked, “Now?” He said no. He
reminded me of what He was going after in my heart, and He assured me that He
was persistent and meticulous. I knew He wasn’t going to quit, and I knew I
didn’t want Him to.
I am certain God didn't afflict me with this injury, and I am
certain He is going to use it for my good. I have already seen the ways in
which the crutches force me to listen in ways I wouldn’t have before. Not only
this, but they force me to sit when I normally wouldn’t, which provides many
more opportunities for conversation between God and me. On the outside to some
it can seem like God is withholding healing, which seems unloving and cruel,
but I don’t see it that way at all. God didn’t do this for a reason, but He
will use it for a reason.
He is not concerned with my comfort right now- He is
concerned with something far greater. In my opinion, that’s the most loving
thing He could do.
If you’re still tracking with me, this is what I really want
to say to you: not everything happens for a reason. We experience painful
circumstances God didn’t plan for us, I believe that. But I also believe God is
faithful to us, and He will not let such trials go by without using it for our
good. If we must suffer, He isn’t going to waste it. It may seem cruel or
unjust that He won’t just pull us out of our pain (though sometimes He surely
does), but God is most concerned with the eternal, not the temporal. He sees
differently than we do, and when He sees an opportunity to bring healing
through pain, He will. He is faithful.
God didn’t plan for me to injure my knee, but in His love
and wisdom He has targeted a deep wound in my heart that I might have otherwise
ignored. He wants me to be healed, but in more ways than one.
God will be faithful to heal my knee, I am sure of it, but
along with a renewed knee I will have a renewed heart. That is certainly the goodness
and faithfulness of my God.
