“It's not being a woman I
mind so much," she said slowly. "It’s the way men seem to always
order my life." She leaned earnestly toward him. "Your hand, Papa,
has wielded a sword and cradled a child and held power over hundreds of
men." She held up her own hand. "This one has far fewer adventures
before it." - Barbara Samuel, A Bed of Spices
For as long as I can
remember, I've struggled with lies about what it meant to be a woman. I've wrestled
with distorted views of what makes a woman beautiful, why women were created,
what a woman’s purpose is, what positions a woman should hold, what makes a
woman valuable, and the list goes on.
This struggle created
resentment in me towards women- myself included. There were specific women I
liked, but I disliked the gender as a whole. (I’m not sure how I ever
rationalized that in my head, but it happened. I tried to tell myself I liked
them as people, but not as women). “Femininity” was a word that disgusted me,
and if someone told me I acted “like a lady,” I wanted to cry.
Though many lies about being
a woman continue to plague me, there has been one in particular that has overwhelmed
me recently; merely thinking about it made me cringe. It centered around this passage:
“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man
to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the Lord God had
formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He
brought them to the man to see what he would name them … but for Adam no
suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep
sleep; and while he was sleeping he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed
up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had
taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” Genesis 2:19-22
Beautiful, right? Well, I
certainly never thought so. Truth be told, reading this passage used to leave
me feeling discouraged, invaluable, and lowly. While God was saying he created
woman as a beautiful partner for man- for companionship, support, and
complementing- I was hearing something else entirely. I heard this:
Woman was made strictly for man: fulfilling the
desires of a man is her purpose.
Yes, this horrid belief created
some serious problems. Not only did I think if I wasn't fulfilling a man that I wasn't doing my job, but I felt that
I could bring nothing else to the world. I was convinced that my purpose as a
woman was to marry a man, be the perfect wife, bear his children, and so on and
so forth. This also led me to believe that my value was in men: if they desired
me, needed me, or enjoyed me, then I was valuable and I was fulfilling my
purpose. Otherwise I was failing, and I wasn't being a good woman. I mean, if
men didn't desire me and I was made to fulfill a man’s desires, what good was I
to anybody?
That was my thought process,
anyway. You could say I had some twisted views of who I was as a woman. (Even if you don't, I just did).
Recently, though, my perceptions
have been changing. There is still so much healing to be done, but I am
learning an entirely different truth about women. I’m beginning to understand
that women were a gift of companionship to men in the beginning of times, but
that in no way defines a woman’s
purpose.
The thing is, women weren't created for men, nor
were men created for women; we were all created for the Lord.
“For in Him all things were created: things in
heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers
or authorities; all things have been created through Him and for Him.”
Colossians 1:16
“You are worthy, O Lord our God, to receive
glory and honor and power. For you created all things, and they exist because
you created what you pleased.” Revelation 4:11
“Everyone who is called by my name, whom I
created for my glory, whom I formed and made … the people I formed for myself
that they may proclaim my praise.” Isaiah 43:7,21
I read this and can see that
I was not made for man, but I was made for God. He created me so that I may
delight in Him and He may delight in me. I, as a woman, am a gift given to man
so that he isn't alone, but this is not the sole reason for my existence.
The purpose of both a woman
and man are the same, and they both reside in the Lord.
I see this truth even clearer
as I think about heaven- a place of perfect joy, righteousness and glory. The
word tells us that there will be no marriage in heaven (For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage,
but are like angels in heaven, Matthew 22:30) and this brings me such
promise. Why? Because my purpose couldn't possibly be solely for the pleasure
of a man, otherwise it would only make sense for marriage to exist in heaven.
Since it doesn't, it affirms in me that I was not made for man.
I was, but I wasn't. Not
wholly, anyway. So here is what I’m trying to say:
As a woman, my presence and my companionship
are gifts given to man, but my purpose and value is in the Lord.
I can’t express the joy this
brings me, and the joy I hope it brings you too (if you’re a lady), realizing
the intricate importance and worth we have as a woman. It’s a worth that isn't
defined by any man, and a purpose that doesn't need a man to be fulfilled, for
it is all fully in the Lord.
